It’s Gravedale High starring Rick Moranis, Galaxy High starring Squiggy, and Beverly Hills Teens starring the ever corrupting specter of avarice. Stay tuned for some Bad Toons brought to you by Reload Last Save!

Fun fact: We previously uploaded a version of this episode, but it was blocked in all countries by the WWE because we used 30 seconds or so of Camp WWE without sound.
Transcript:
hey everyone welcome back to bades our
video podcast where we critique cartoons
we look at animated Abominations and we
try to discern is it a diamond in the
rough or is it Fool’s Gold Andy you’re
my co-host yes I’m Chris um this is the
25y year respective thing where Chris
gets all sentimental and goes Andy
you’re my co-host you’re my friend
you’re my brother two episodes in this
isn’t two episod this is two episodes in
the video podcast the video well this
was an audio podcast and then people
were like we can’t see the cartoon we
have rebranded like four [ __ ] times
that’s true uh Hey guys Welcome to our
Better Homes and Gardens podcast where
we watch all the HGTV we can this this
is our
HGTV Property Brothers we’re the new
Property Brothers we call it bad rooms
we’re going to go through room by room
and be like no this room’s too big this
room’s too small then someone’s like
that’s a closet I’m
like fool me once what’s Property
Brothers is that that show where the two
brothers become slaves
because like that’s the only property I
can like that’s the only way I can think
of that Brothers being
property so a very respected Source Andy
told me that school’s out for summer
yeah it’s rumored school might be out
forever and if reports are to be
believed my school’s been blown to
Pieces that’s I don’t think you should
say that on the air but the good news is
32 years old and there’s no chance in
hell I have the money to go back to
college so it doesn’t affect me that
much but just because I’m sentimental
cuz it’s summer times in the air wait we
should have waited and watched like like
cartoons about summer camp we should
have watched cartoons like camp blaso or
something Camp candy Camp blaso these
are all cartoons about the first day of
school oh [ __ ] what the [ __ ] we’re
watching gravedale high with Rick moranz
schools back in session oh my respected
sources returned we’re watching I’ve
also heard uh hold on I’m getting a word
dead babies can’t take care of
themselves well that’s morose but I
think it goes without saying it’s true
said we’re watching gravedale High we’re
watching Galaxy high and we’re watching
Beverly Hills teens oh is this like a
video game thing cuz we’re doing Galaxy
high G yes yes I didn’t even know I mean
I thought it just came out I didn’t
realize it already it’s a difficult show
to get into I mean because if you screw
up watching the first episode you got to
watch the first episode over and over
again so let’s watch them Tunes that’s
my throat do you like my my Thro too
let’s watch them Tunes I hate it you got
to watch them Tunes start it over you
gota watch them hey everyone welcome to
bad Tunes my name is Chris his name is I
did it again I’m so sorry his name you
say your name my name is whatever one of
the Property Brothers names is I did not
do research
we not before we do any improv bit we
have to do a lot of research let’s watch
the um sorry I thought that I thought
that Alice Cooper would tell me who the
property brothers are but he doesn’t
have any songs about let’s go to our
respected Source this album from the
1970s H I paid a billion dollars for
this [ __ ] album I thought wait a
minute that’s just the title the title
of the album is Million Dollar babies I
guess it’s doesn’t cost that much yeah
there’s a sticker that says
$7.99 Empire Records totally ripped me
off wait a minute Empire Records hasn’t
existed for 200
years can we watch the tunes now okay
bye that’s a new sign off that’s
no let’s watch them
Tunes me you please take a seat y we’re
dying to meet you we’re down and Grave
Dale this was garbage was that the theme
song yeah I basically blocked out the
entire show well there’s a part in the
gravedale High theme song where it sound
like we couldn’t make out what they said
it sound like they said go with the
spirit and chillingly kill it and I’m
like whoa I knew this was a school of
monsters but they ain’t [ __ ] around first off I should say this is
the main reason
why we have to preserve cartoons there’s
not a DVD of this there’s not a Blu-ray
of this we couldn’t get a highquality
rip the the only version of this show we
could find very low quality so please
excuse the bad visuals but what’s here
is so compelling we can’t not talk about
it so let’s start off with the ma the
premise Max Schneider as played by star
of stage and Screen Rick Moranis own is
a human teacher at a monster school Yep
this is this is basically no more needs
to be said the end this is Scooby-Doo
Ghoul School but they replace
Shaggy with an adult version of Shaggy
is Rick Moranis what happens when Shaggy
stops smoking like he loses all of his
chill and there’s just the neurotic
tension oh God like like he his best
friend’s dead because dogs don’t live
that wrong I’m sorry Scooby-Doo fans but
Scooby’s pushing what 45 now so you had
to put him down sometime so yeah and but
he’s he’s your classic neurotic Rick
Moranis character bow tie wearing brown
suit and he has a school of monsters he
teaches let’s go down the characters
shall we we got blanch who’s apparently
a zombie and fitting of being a zombie
she’s played by the daughter of Harry
bellonte who I believe his name is
Sherry bellante we have re Reggie uh
moonshroud you remember Reggie
moonshroud jump in jump in and give me
some of these character descriptions for
me I don’t Reggie moonshroud was
Donatello if donatell was a werewolf
okay so he was werewolf Aon well no he’s
literally the voice actor for Donatello
and the same character because he’s the
nerd who’s like the more who takes the
moral High Ground on everything and no
one likes an a for awful the Intruder
has no CL class but may I suggest
building a full-sized model of my
monster one space probe then the whole
class can visit other planets if I can
just get her to swallow this large
economy siiz exor on capsule it might
reverse the growth process Cleopatra
which is a really mean fat joke played
by Ricky lake so I guess that kind of
fits if you know for people who remember
Ricky Lake from her talk show circuit
maybe not so much but when I think of
Ricky Lake I think of Hairspray here’s
here’s the thing Ricky L make her
creature of the B Lagoon I’m just giving
you that that you could even keep the
name Ricky Lake instead of what looks
like [ __ ] mummy Meg from Family Guy I
don’t
know this is not I literally one of my
only notes on this entire
show five minutes in I just wrote in
bold letters this is bad and then
circled it every time I guess we need to
say that all of these characters they’re
monsters but they’re also the crudest
archetypes of characters in a high
school show and what’s worse is we then
watch the same cartoon twice over
because spoiler alert for the rest of
the episodes these three shows are the
same goddamn show this one threw me
through a loop one it’s twin peak’s own
Lucy agent Cooper I’ve got a call for
you from a Mr Albert Rosenfeld sounds
like long distance you got it Schneider
and according to iron hand I’m running
the show is dooer who’s the Medusa
character I I I get her name was Dua but
maybe that sounds too much like taking a
[ __ ] or maybe Rick Moranis because Rick
Moranis because he’s [ __ ] Canadian
and would not be corrected also her name
is dooer no dooa that’s why I said dooer
like meder hey is that meder over there
take off you hoser really inappropriate
L named Frank
and which I thought was just horrible
Chris yeah it’s Frank and
Tyke oh because he’s a kid yeah by the
way isn’t he a little young for high
school I guess so if he’s a are you sure
it’s Franken Franken tyken not Franken D
because there’s the dogface boy chasing
through the hallways and that could go
either way with those hard
RS I’ll rip that rid rat r and r he
calls him the rank and Reich so I think
he’s referring to the Third Reich oh my
God Frankenstein well at well his name
is actually
Frankenstein oh man do do you think it’s
like a nimock
thing do you think anyone’s going to get
the Nim do reference probably not scum
of the earth did a wonderful let’s play
of a game called I have no mouth and I
must scream check it out uh head
mistress Crone she’s the head mistress
um and then the two most interesting
characters Boneyard who’s just the
groundskeeper of the
school ladies and
gentlemen we get to fill out another
piece on what I call Chris Von’s Deep
Space 9 Bingo because he’s played by
Joseph
Cisco father of Captain Cisco Brock
Peters he was also Tom to Kill
Mockingbird but who gives a who cares
whatever more importantly he’s that guy
owns the awesome restaurant that refuses
to sell replicated food he’s like I can
tell the difference between a replicated
to this sounds nothing like him at all I
don’t know why I made him a southern
Sheriff Chris is going to be getting
some major points online yeah because
not only did he say the
diesler but then he said that no one
cares about to Kill a Mocking Bird in
comparison to D
space9 which also had very strong civil
rights message
I I would say but then more so there was
Star Trek ghett of Watchman which was
actually made
before and it was released without
permission it totally undos all the
Civil Rights messages that Star Trek has
always stood for yeah that’s when we
find out that Captain Cisco doesn’t give
a [ __ ] about the
rift he’s like get this stupid VR toy
off of me sorry I meant the Wormhole not
the rift well it’s funny that you one of
the words is a hint you just said cuz
another character lucky Gil Waterman who
was Gil I I gave Andy some homework I
said hey there’s a creature of the Black
Lagoon character named Gil Waterman
guess who he is hey [ __ ] you if you give
me homework I have to have a night to
complete it not literally hey Andy guess
what well we’re F we’re recording the
podcast right when we’re done it’s time
for me to to the cat of the bad who is
it and all the ghouls and vampires will
look up from their grave
and Shout stake us and I will look down
and
Whisper no Jackie Earl Haley there’s no
[ __ ] way in hell I would have guessed
Jackie Earl
Haley fast delivery little dude the
whole time Chris was like Hey you guess
who this person is and I was like well
surely it couldn’t be Jackie Earl Haley
surely because I told know why I’m Dr
Franken F Sly it couldn’t be Jack
Al you you guess moris lamancha’s
character like [ __ ] out of the gate
you’re like well that’s Loris lamancha
why don’t we all invest in junk bonds
then we could watch your money turn into
garbage I can hear Maurice lro’s [ __ ] voice for like literally a split second
I know what’s what’s the plot of you
give me what’s the plot of this episode
okay uh refer back to our previous
episode where we talk about uh gther
Pond and it’s literally copy and paste
it’s about ethics and journalism and
journalism boy this doesn’t get tiring
to talk about right as pressing today as
ever they’re they’re charged with making
a school newspaper and meder turns it
into a rag you mean doer sorry she turn
she turns it into a weekly world news
except of reporting about monsters she’s
reporting about monsters who do weird
things no I think that’s exactly like
weaky world news yeah I guess that’s
true CU like because weekly world news
is like bat boy marrying Hillary Clinton
it’s never like true it’s never handled
with any seriousness do you think that
could hurt her
nomination I mean it’s a step up have
you been seeing Bill lately he looks
like he’s he looks like he’s been to the
Boneyard a joke that made us chuckle but
not for the right reasons someone has a
camera and they’re like I’m GNA be a
regular Andy
warthog because War Hogs are monsters
apparently H were there any characters I
missed oh uh actually at one point um
undyed from undertale show up so that’s
pretty
cool I think they have both eyes at that
point though and uh of course um the I
believe he was the gym teacher yeah was
a grown-up monsteri version of Doug from
Disney’s Doug so apparently yeah they
they start spreading lies about the
other students people’s feelings get
hurt and instead of them turning it
around and making the paper better they
just quit yeah then what about those
stories about him and me made him up
doer you’re fired get a life I quit I
think that’s that’s actually a good
message cuz once you’ve done that much
damage you just walk away you know once
your Twitter account gets
unverified you walk
away speaking to a certain demig go out
there you just for the good of everyone
shut it down and I mean they said that
the paper was only done by one person
but really it was like maybe I don’t
know 30 monsters like 30 horrible
monsters like the Jon Troll he’s he
counts as one person but really he’s
he’s actually 30 smaller monsters
combined into one exactly
and each one’s more racist than the
last no we save the racism we’re Galaxy
high this is gravedale high this is
gravedale high and this was gravedale
high CU I can’t think of a single
goddamn thing to talk about after that I
will say this though they all seem
really cool with human that’s the weird
thing this wasn’t an origin story yeah
there’s not an origin story episode like
the like you look at the plot it’s like
Max Schneider accidentally accept a job
in a Monster High School he [ __ ] he
gets into wacky Hy Jinks but they’re not
monster related hinks they’re oh no my
students said I’m dating the principal
when I’m not they are all just super
accepting of this dude I think
everybody’s cool with it but you Chris I
think
everyone’s oh God maybe I’m the
monster you know
what the real monster is racism yes
which brings us to Galaxy
highy
gy
Galaxy Galaxy high galaxy high so
now we come to Galaxy high school I’ve
been calling it Galaxy high this whole
time I feel they called Galaxy high in
the theme but it’s official it’s Galaxy
high school yeah why would they trick me
like that speaking of the theme like you
you hear the theme start out and you
kind of have a high hopes for it and
then it it it it sucks it just it
blandly tells you the backdrop of the of
the story yeah and it doesn’t bother to
rhyme Andy I hate saying it but I don’t
think the bugles have it
anymore to go
to Galaxy
high
had it this was not made this year Chris
I don’t know man I living in the plastic
age this is not you know this this is uh
a story of two teenagers uh Andy what
are their names he can’t remember good
question uh Amy Doyle clever
lobe and
Amy Santiago no bright Tower Amy bright
what Amy bright Tower Andy stupid [ __ ] are two teens who are selected to go to
Galaxy high school I want to know do
they live in a society that knows that
aliens exist or not they don’t there’s
no fish out of water like shock moment
there’s plenty of fish out of water like
comedy moments
like I don’t know how alien Pizza Works
but there’s there’s no like holy crap
aliens so I guess this this is when
Humanity is being integrated into the
rest of Galactic society and as a test
run oh my God I explaining the plot to
Mass Effect I just realized instead of
specters though they are getting two
high school students and putting them
into algebra class yeah we should also
note that this show was created by Chris
Columbus the Chris
Columbus the man the myth he created
Home Alone he made home alone too he
made Bicentennial Man he discovered
America he might have invented slavery
he can’t quite discern what is and what
is not a pepper he also made Galaxy high
school the it starts with the first day
of high school and already Doyle off the
bat is being a dick to Amy he’s not
negging her I don’t know if that had
been invented yet but he uh if this is
in the future then absolutely oh that’s
true
but he he’s just like there’s going to
be so many hot babes around I don’t want
you cramping my style that’s why I also
I need to know do they know of a like do
they know the beastiary have they read
Barlow’s sized guide to science fiction
races cuz if they had he’d know that
most of those things are feathers
tentacles and vaginas with teeth they
are you’re going to get into some
horrifying monsters with terrible venial
diseases what you’re saying is
is he is a man of
taste maybe he has maybe he has read
Barlow’s guide to to sci-fi creatures
and he’s like oh yeah the one on page 68
centerfold just a picture of a teras
from DND D there’s a famous post um on
Tumblr which is a person getting mad at
the fictional character Ben Tennyson
from Ben 10 cu there’s an episode where
one of those forearmed people with the
four eyes and the four arms comes down
yeah and thinks that he’s one of them
and tries to [ __ ] him and he’s like I’m
not into this cuz you’re like a gross
forearm lady with super big muscles and
everyone’s response is just like man Ben
[ __ ] you get it like dude this is your
one shot she’s got like look how big her
musles are what’s the worst that can
happen I mean granted he’s a 10-year-old
gross the worst could happen is that his
he’d get some stowaways and his dick
would fall off oh I was thinking more uh
the next point I was going to bring up
death by snoo I was going to bring up
maybe the males get pregnant the
ultimate venial disease Galaxy high is
just a very shitty version of Futurama
it’s the beta test of futur instead of
instead of him being a delivery boy he’s
a pizza maker which I mean two sides of
the same coin because fry even starts
out in a pizza place and he’s just this
average like really stupid guy with a
really average voice an average hair and
the opening even shows them going
through the the clear tubes see like in
Futurama you say Futurama I think this
is a lot more like Haron Ellison’s the
discarded I don’t think these creatures
are aliens I think they are severely
mutated human beings that they all put
into one spaceship in quotation marks a
high school
and it is slowly orbiting all the plants
in our solar system and no one will take
these refugees in and maybe Doyle has
like a third nipple or or Amy has one
foot that’s drastically shorter than the
other and they’re like [ __ ] get on the
ship you’re only going to get worse from
here I’m just saying the last episode
ends with Doyle climbing out of the air
long and freezing the death in the cold
depths of
space a spoiler alert and there we go
the smartest joke the bad Tunes ever had
because I read a book once good night
everybody um before Chris’s good night
everyone that he likes to do um in the
middle of every
podcast I would like to point out that
this show has two of my biggest pet
peeves one something that I only
referring to as rectangular Face Body
[ __ ] I don’t know how else to
describe it so that’s just the term now
start a TV Tropes page for it tonight
first one I can think of would be the
rectangular Face Body [ __ ] from
Captain N the Game Boy The Game
Boy Karen K me Game Boy why are you
calling me an [ __ ] you’re like a
father figure to me Kevin suck a dick
this show you shouldn’t talk that way to
your children
Kevin my name’s not Kevin Kevin I’m
calling the authorities you should talk
to your in that way you sound more like
a fish monster you put me in the toilet
Kevin that’s why I sound like a fish
monster now I have to hang out with
jackier and Haley oh oh yeah Chris you
want to pull that [ __ ] oh guess what
Chris did when Chris was a teenager he
murdered his tamagachi by pouring Sprite
into the button hole he was
thirsty you shouldn’t give any pet
Sprite Chris I wasn’t ready for the
responsibilities of the ultimate vanera
IAL disease which is having a child
anyway though this show has one and he
is a Blackboard what was his name just
the Blackboard they said they it was
like a stupid like [ __ ] robots don’t
get names the Lo robot I thought he was
magic no you thought he was the [ __ ] magic screen and they’re going to
connect the dots la la la la la they’re
the original rectangular Face Body
[ __ ] okay there so we have we have
three we have the black board what about
SpongeBob SpongeBob is not a rectangular
face bodied [ __ ] but Chris his face
is his body he’s rectangular
rectangular I know I thought he’s been
popping up in a bunch of memes lately I
think you might be right I thought of
three or four more keep going but I
cannot remember them now so I feel like
a [ __ ] [ __ ] well you had if you
had a rectangular face and body you’d be
right up there with them well guess what
we are going to be pointing them out
every time they show up the other the
other um thing that bothers me about the
show I’ll just give you a short little
thing the smart girl whatever her name
was Amy high tower I almost called her
Sam I don’t know why no hi Tower is
someone from Police Academy Amy gets a
scholarship cuz she’s so smart yeah they
didn’t tell they Bamboozled them they
didn’t tell them that the Galaxy high is
a [ __ ] private school guess what the
dumb jock kid Doyle which is the worst
name for a popular kid cuz that’s kid
named Doyle no matter what he looks like
would get this [ __ ] and hug he would
call himself Bryce until someone found
like his like that that’s like his
middle name must be so much more
embarrassing that he’s not going by it
like his his middle name must be someone
like trash butt for him to be a Doyle I
just realized why I kept calling him
boil why cuz
Amy you’ve got Charles Bole and Amy
Santiago so they’re like hey guess what
dumbass uh we’re giving her a free car
you get a floating skateboard or
something
instead of a car also you have to work
to go to school so that sucks so so much
so much for thinking that alien races
would be a socialist Utopia yeah no
apparently capitalism rules which
reminds me of another cartoon we’re
going to watch so he has to work in a
pizza place and of course he’s
mistreated and his life is [ __ ] Mama Mia
I literally said oh they still have
Italians in his face as a joke next
scene it’s called Luigi’s and he’s like
you 7 Sam but he’s like oh you got to
make the pizza only thing that makes him
look unhuman is his chin is green or
something I don’t know he’s short yeah
he’s he’s a short Italian man he’s not
an alien
hey that’s why I gave you a chance cuz
you’re an immigrant just like me so the
tyrian and the Krogan they’re all around
they’re like okay before we invite
Shephard to be a
spectre I just trial run pizza place
hear me out if they can make a good pie
then we’ll trust them with our
experimental spacecraft I would play
Mass Effect 4 if it was a pizza making
Sim so far people think the best parts
of Mass Effect 3 were hanging out with
your buds talking about chicks uh hot
tubbing karaoke and karaoke is not a
Thing karaoke car no karaoking is what
the Krogan do ah
it’s um it’s actually the Krogan
birthing process and when you see it
you’re going to wish they stayed
sterilized I haven’t got to my pet peeve
though
that was just a setup I thought I’d give
you guys a little flavor because we
didn’t really talk about the show at all
so he takes a pizza pie with anchovies
on it and he takes to a place where
there are giant anthropomorphized
somewhat anthropomorphized fish and
they’re like definitely didn’t order
that this is one of my biggest pet
peeves because it’s something that
always happens in shows they always talk
about fish cannibalism where it’s like
oh no fish can’t eat other fish like
watch a nature dock fish only eat other
fish that’s all they [ __ ] eat like
maybe Krill or something just like how
humans eat orangutangs all the time yes
and if you’re saying I’ve never eaten
orangutang Pringles look on the back of
those cans how do you think Cheetos get
that orange dust yeah it’s a rang and
Tang blood
just wait their blood is
orange I just assume are you assuming
hold on are you assuming that rangit
tangs were once regular monkeys who were
pelted by gamma rays and when they get
angry they turn into a rank okay okay
have you ever seen 20
21 21 days later yeah or 22 whatever the
[ __ ] 21 days later yeah 2 28 Days Later
28 Days Later 21 Jump confused with
21 you know when there’s the rage virus
and it turns all those gimps into aing
it
t anyway though fish eat fish all the
[ __ ] time well they eat different
kinds of fish we were going to talk
about racism yeah I guess this is the
one time you’re the racist and I’m not
why because Fisher friend’s not food
no because you assume that’s the only
reason they wouldn’t eat that pizza he
clearly [ __ ] says we didn’t order
this if someone walked over and they
were like here you go Hawaiian pizza bro
you’d be like I didn’t order this give
me the right
pizza they’re fish are not second class
citizens if they get the wrong Pizza
they can have that corrected you’re just
angry that a fish stood up to a human
but humans are the lowest man on the
totem pole in this Society that’s true
especially especially short green
Italians even in the cold depths of
space everyone hates the
Italians so here here’s my pet peeve
this is another science fiction
property I shouldn’t that no that’s
that’s way too good of a thing to call
Galaxy high this is another faux sci-fi
property for children that treats aliens
As One race you never see like a group
of like the same aliens together it it’s
not like Star Trek where there’s the
romulans the Klingons the fangi and like
we we have about 10 or 20 and then we
have some crazy
outliers this is like every single alien
has to be its own unique thing which is
why I said it’s probably more like the
discarded and pretty soon students are
going to be killing themselves and dying
in the cold depths of space alone but
like there’s announcements over the
intercom was like tonight we’ll be
showing the horror classic I was a
Teenage Human that would be like if you
were like tonight we’re showing I was a
teenage black guy tonight we’re showing
Song of the South so here’s the the
we’re we’re 16 minutes into a 22-minute
cartoon that’s how it always was on bad
Tunes get used to it here’s the the plot
of this first episode being smart is
more important than being good at sports
and space because instantly Doyle he’s
he’s cast out of like popular Society
he’s he’s vilified by the other students
they think he’s gross there’s literally
an alien who walks around with a shirt
that says Earth stinks yet again be like
walking around with the shirt that said
like France stinks which I guess back in
like 2001 yeah you’d see a lot of that
in high schools so he’s he’s treated
really poorly and they they make a point
to say that that in Galaxy high men
outnumber women like greatly three to
one like yeah so it’s like he’s nothing
special in Galaxy high whereas Amy who
gets a full scholarship and a car I
guess like the that’s how much we like
you here’s a space car you will
instantly know how to drive it because
you’re that these aliens are really like
irresponsible it’s cool it drives just
like a regular car cool I’m like 15 I
still don’t know how to drive a regular
car also it has a thermonuclear Warhead
as its engine cool something’s wrong
with my car did you check the warp core
engine boom it’s like the shoes on the
other foot Doyle who was instantly like
you know step off [ __ ] who is
inexplicably really hot so I shouldn’t
be talking to this way anyway if I’m
like The Jock and Meathead character I
should keep all my options open because
as I’ve sted before I don’t know if
these chicks are made of tentacles or if
they look like [ __ ] big bird but then
you know the shoes on the foot she’s the
popular one all the other girls want to
hang out with her they go fashion
styling or some [ __ ] like that she gets
her skin dyed blue which is probably
very dangerous and then he starts
getting bullied by a giant chick chicken
and um gets challenged to a game that’s
like hockey except without skates and
it’s oneon-one and the ball is alive oh
my God Christopher Columbus went on to
direct the Harry Potter movie which
stars the golden snitch is that’s what
got him interested in the project yeah
was he like oh this is just like CL ball
or whatever the [ __ ] I called it he’s
like oh kid Wizards no one’s going to
buy this [ __ ] this is so [ __ ] stupid
wait a minute
does the
protagonist get challenged to play a odd
sporting game that is somewhat familiar
to a regular sporting game in which the
ball is alive Count Me In can we set it
in space we can’t I shouldn’t have said
Count Me In damn it Chris you play it
again Chris are you talking about
yourself Chris or Chris Columbus that’s
why I like playing characters that are
named Chris because it’s easy to just do
that all Chris’s sound alike you you
really I’m just saying when I was was
when I was Richard III it was very hard
cuz it’s just like a horse my kingdom
for a horse godamn it Chris where’ you
put your [ __ ] horse damn it so Doyle
beats the chicken bully at the sport
game and suddenly he becomes the most
popular person so no [ __ ] scratch
that brains is not more important than
sports sports rules everything you lied
to me Galaxy high I thought this was
going to have a good message that in the
future we would have robot slaves which
is pretty terrible but more importantly
brains would finally beat brawn but no I
find out that aliens are capitalist
[ __ ] that make you that trick you
into paying for high
school that sports are still the most
important thing to being
popular and worst of all the robot
slaves they’re they they have sass
mouths not Smashmouth that’d be kind of
cool if you had a robot and you’d be
like like
hey RX j97 I’m feeling real [ __ ] down
and he was like well Master somebody
wants and be like yeah that’s my jam
high five please don’t kill me and my
family in our sleep when you realize you
literally have the strength to crush my
skull with the palm of your hand yeah
the robots are treated bad but not half
as bad as the
Italians maybe he’s an Italian robot oh
God why did we build this thing I guess
we we left out a pretty major part we we
left out um did we I don’t give a [ __ ] we left out we’re we’re we’re at 22
minutes we left out Milo deenus who is a
nerdy character who follows him around
and his name is Milo deenus cuz he has
six arms yeah the opposite of zero so
he’s so he’s the reverse of Venus Deo
but he’s not I I guess he’s the reverse
beautiful
Chris he’s also played by Squiggy I feel
real bad for I feel I usually feel bad
for Squiggy especially seeing how Lenny
turned out you know [ __ ] on better
Calla I don’t think I don’t think
Squiggy was in Best in Show was he
[ __ ] Squiggy Galaxy high maybe
Michael mck is secretly like jealous of
that like they’re going to get in a big
fight he’s like look at you you had
everything you had everything you got to
be in movies you got to be in HBO shows
and what did I get and Michael he can’t
hold anymore like you got to be in
Galaxy
and you threw it all away you threw it
all away Squiggy that’s not my real name
how come Chris knows your name and not
mine because I was inves in
show also you’re not a real
lawyer so Galaxy H has a know for me
yeah it’s a no for me it it held a lot
of promise and then [ __ ] fell apart
no it [ __ ] didn’t I think it did this
[ __ ] we were like oh cool it’s like
Proto Futurama and it’s like oh it’s
real it’s early Alpha they didn’t even
add the [ __ ] textures fry is clipping
through the goddamn ground fly fry has
been known to clip though oh speak there
is there is a point where um I thought
Farnsworth was the one who did that
there is a point where he literally does
become fry this is he literally becomes
french fries that’s true he gets thrown
into a thing that skins potatoes I’m
like he’s [ __ ] dead
end of the show the aliens killed him he
gets thrown into this like big press
thing and then he gets sent to prison
and all of his teeth are taken
out and hold on I was watching Phantom
of The Paradise in the in on my iPhone
sorry that’s a joke I don’t know what
wait a minute wasn’t the bully named
beef
you I can see that you’re the devil’s PR
I’m your not me coming true I am your PR
we need a man who is a space chicken we
need a man who’s made of
fries no one’s getting these jokes so
the moral of the story is if you’re
different than your peers and you’re
judged on your race or species more
appropriately just be good at
sports conform or be good at sports and
everything will be fine that’s what I
learned from Galaxy high so again a
strong
no hey but Christopher Columbus he did
invent slavery so he didn’t invent it
but some would say he perfected it onto
our next
film a parents don’t love us in Beverly
Hills now Andy you have a note says this
has the best theme song of the night
would you would you agree to that no
best theme ever no best of the night I’m
it’s pretty it’s pretty good I think it
proves a theory that I’ve had yeah the
Chris
vaugh inverse quality theme song Theory
oh the better the Show’s theme song for
’90s cartoons only of course oh damn I
was about to say I have a perfect
example what was your well I was going
to say the better the theme song of a
’90s tun the worst the show yeah now
what what were you going to say I was
going to say I’ve been really enjoying
yo-kai watch and the theme song is
[ __ ] terrible okay so yoai watches a good
show I like it a lot
uh uh H quantify
good okay yoai watches a show it’s a
show yes so my what comes to mind is
probably the best cartoon theme song
yeah is Heath
Cliff he he no one terrify their
neighborhood and the Cadillac cats and
we’ve mentioned in the previous episode
I as as I always sing it Heathcliff
Heathcliff no one should watch this show
it is not good it’s it’s a terrible show
uh another one is the theme song to
Dennis the Menace
which [ __ ] sounds like a meatloaf Jam
yeah I remember Chris being like Oh we
need to listen to the Dennis the men
them song I remember it saying like [ __ ] and then we put it on we’re like [ __ ] this is awesome did Jim Steinman just
[ __ ] built this out there’s another
Stein I’m watching this theme song and
I’m waiting for you the other to drop
it’s all about how great it is in
Beverly Hills and and things are so
wonderful in Beverly Hills I’m just
expecting them to splice in someone
getting horribly mutilated or
murdered don’t FY in bever
hill come on and make your dreams come
true
and there a tin CL in B
Hills so many things that we can
do it’s fun for me and you and the
people here dance into the light
everybody is dressed out
the we’re learning St we do it right
never
it’s kind of like D’s beautiful world or
or Born in the USA or Keep On Rocking In
The Free World all great dvo songs let’s
just take the Beverly Hills teens or
yeah Beverly Hills Teen um theme song
mhm and splice it over footage of
homeless people in Beverly Hills that’s
true like I I think I think they bum
rush them out I know California has a
really bad homeless problem but I think
they bum rush them out of Beverly Hills
I don’t think they’re in Beverly Hills
that’s true there are no homeless here
in Beverly
Hills the police have shot them all in
Beverly
Hills we put spikes on the ground so
they can’t sleep in Beverly
Hills they are not people to us in
Beverly
Hills so to me this this show feels like
it’s gravedale high before they were
monsters because these are the same
goddamn characters at least Galaxy high
yeah jock nerd lady with five mouths
lady with five mouths uh the lady who
keeps forgetting things and the joke was
not funny the first time and they keep
reminding us of it well maybe the actual
writer kept forgetting that they used
that joke already forgetting what that I
have a mind erase kit we already have
one have a what a mind erasing kit oh
yeah I’m going to go buy one of those I
hate these characters so much I didn’t
want I didn’t write down their names
like last bat two okay hold on let’s
let’s let’s let’s list them up okay this
Jerry Seinfeld M Pidge from Von there
was girl Pidge girl Pidge okay uh jacket
Jack was there made a cameo and and
Andrea wolson was a character Andrea wol
Andrea wolson yeah was a character oh
like I’m totally freaking I did remember
one character’s name and it’s gone it’s
just totally gone it was Bianca Bianca
because I remember watching it and going
man what do Dan rker see in her she
seems like a [ __ ] um Bianca’s the evil
the E okay she’s the rich kid amongst
rich kids like all these people are
super [ __ ] Rich the fact that it’s
maddeningly disgusting yeah they’re
wallowing in avarice so much that it
kind of enrages me and I have to keep
stepping back and being like these are
fictitious characters but then I step
back further and go but someone had to
write them and idealize them and I bet
that motherfucker’s Rich it’s a rich guy
dreaming of being richer [ __ ] you
Christopher Columbus I know you’re
behind this one too well I mean it
basically invented colonialism so I mean
that’s basically you know the whole bgea
notion he showed up he said hey everyone
these are called Peppers now as well
you’re all slaves and one of these days
I want a limo that has a hot tub in the
back to drive me to the beach so yeah we
have the rock and roll Duo um I believe
one of them was name like gig yeah gig
and and
annoying every show like this has to
have one annoying character no this show
was nothing but Annoying characters
that’s true but one character whose
voice is just grading like oh [ __ ] Cadillac says hey what’s up by Ry this
girl she’s all like oh my God back me
out but like her she gagged me with a
spoon like it’s not just that she talks
like value girl it’s like a super
high-pitched grading barf me
out he’s like Lord King bofo what ises
barf me out barf me out that sounds like
the opposite of eat me
out he called me a beasty there are two
to three characters I kept getting
confused cuz they look almost identical
they look they have they’re Ken dolls
yeah they have the exact same hair
except one is slightly Browner and one
is like eye bleeding blonde but then
there are two girls and one is a
Southern girl and she’s white and has
brown hair and it’s like a really weird
shade of brown too yeah and then there’s
a black girl who has literally the same
hair and face but just a pallet swap so
we’ve got two pallet swaps right off the
bat and then I guess that pierce kid
who’s Young Jerry Seinfeld [ __ ] make
this show Capcom he also kind of looks
like Cammy no he also kind of looks like
the the two blonde kids but with black
hair so everyone’s just a [ __ ] pallet
swap of each other so the show is oh and
then there’s uh the the the kid with the
hat so the show is there’s a surfing
contest coming up which there’s a kid
whose whole gimmick is that he’s a
surfer he’s he’s like Gilman yeah he’s
like he’s like R Shack remember that odd
period where warshack like had a lot of
money as a teenager and he got to go to
a very fancy School in Beverly Hills and
he got to Surf around no he didn’t he
went to gravedale high that’s true and
he also was the son of a prostitute and
was put into foster care so there’s a
surfing contest coming up and the evil
Bianca who has a manservant who is in
love with her which I would get rid of
him right away he’s a like you’re
supposed to feel bad because he’s like
oh my darling Bianca I’ll do anything
for you and she treats him like [ __ ] but
then you realize this [ __ ] creepo who
works for her probably works for her
parents is professing his love for her
like all the time he he builds like a
sand castle he’s like and here’s where
our children will sleep it’s like dude
are you [ __ ] 30 look at this [ __ ] mashed potato face dude are you [ __ ] 30 because if you went to high school
with us I know Beverly Hills is [ __ ] up but if you went to high school with
us you probably wouldn’t be My Chauffeur
unless maybe he’s of a lower cast and
he’s going to chauffeur school and she’s
his first
assignment blew it a 16-year-old
chauffeur that makes perfect sense right
like he barely knows how to drive yeah
[ __ ] has to at least be 25 and
he’s hitting on a teenager yeah so
there’s a surfing
contest and that’s all I have the energy
to talk about no no no no no no no no no
let’s talk about the very specifically
what they’re surfing with because it was
a surfing contest and one person brought
a surfboard get this it’s not the surfer
no the
surfer rides on a rocking
horse that’s it I I was going to say oh
rocking horse on a surfboard it’s not
it’s just on the regular rails that a
rocking horse is on the rich
I guess that goes with that saying rich
kid which [ __ ] one pierce who’s going
out with the the girl with a really bad
voice and also the little kid they’re
all vain they’re in Beverly [ __ ] Hills the little kid who’s a genius is
helping him cheat and he has a surfboard
which they sit on and has two mirrors so
they can look on it it’s also motorized
and has seats it’s motorized I think
it’s motorized if it’s not motorized
there’s no way it would possibly work
yeah you can’t sit on a surfboard and
just be like I’m surfing these [ __ ] rich kids they’re like oh we’re going to
have a surfing contest and they show up
in [ __ ] boats um he also has a
rectangular buddy who has a face he has
a PDA system or a body that mocks him
and he’s mocks him like he’s an [ __ ] and he tells him all of the best girls
he needs to date I don’t know but he
also no no okay what it is is that he
needs to find a partner for this it’s a
couple’s surfing
contest that just hurts even explaining
it and his PA system which is helping
him track down women like they’re meat
is like oh here sir it’s the the best
surfer in all of Beverly Hills she’s won
championships all over the world but oh
no she has a zit he’s like oh [ __ ] that
I’m not going out that that [ __ ] train wreck it will ruin my image
instead I’m going to go out with the
rocker chick with who looks like she’s
[ __ ] Vince Neil from like 92 and her
her boyfriend gig who I think he’s like
kind of in love with her but like she’s
like you even said we shouldn’t date
because it’ll break up the band so she
goes out with the the vain kid to make
gig jealous at which point gig’s guitar
starts giving him lip oh yeah he’s like
kicking the guitar and [ __ ] and he he
he’s like who asked
you
who asked you wait you can talk yeah it’
be good to know like set beforehand that
gig has a magical talking guitar I’d
really like to know that uh like like
the Pidge kid he has a like a a robot
rat that he uses to scare girls in their
dressing rooms that’s [ __ ] up now that
I’m saying it but he’s in a lab coat
with thick glasses so there’s kind of a
hint there but I don’t look at this
guitarist dude who won why the [ __ ] he
in Beverly Hills he he should be down at
Venice Beach or something they they
would [ __ ] him run him out no he has a
just magic [ __ ] guitar that’s also a
surfboard okay he surfs on his guitar
and his guitar has a life phone in it
but then when enough people get on it it
sinks yeah I’m trying to warn
you through early morning fog I see
but here’s the thing though they’re all
getting out of the water and Pier oh
he’s not moving why not oh cuz he’s got
to go talk to Pidge because they’re
gonna build a big robot shark they’re
gonna put eat everyone they’re putting a
robot shark in the water
because even though hot dude is going
out with Vince Neil he actually wants to
go out with Barbie but Barbie’s going
out with jacket or Ken whichever so they
build a robot shark and much like Jaws
the robot shark doesn’t work so he jumps
on a shark that’s attacking them to save
them and then oh no it’s a real shark
and then he dies and then he [ __ ] dies great but he’s so rich 10 out of 10
but the kids are so rich they don’t feel
anything when he dies yeah they don’t
even go to his funeral Dennis do you not
have
feelings I love I love when the uh I
love when Barbie punches the shark
though cuz it looks like the weakest
yeah punch ever and the shark’s like yep
yep yep there’s one joke that that made
me laugh but more of a gasp it’s there’s
a the cat is is being chased by a dog in
a department store and the two owners
get snippy at each other and then I’m
sorry bianc it’s just a tiara so high
too bad she’s not strung on a
violin and was like holy [ __ ] that’s a
dark joke Bev teens Bev teens where you
coming from with this stuff Chris likes
it so much she gives it a nickname beev
teens what the [ __ ] I’m having a not a
good time but I’m I’m I’m a little
unarmed here and suddenly you hit me
with
GH oh there’s an underwater kolinga sing
which is good so point for that it’s
it’s like a that scene in Archer um I
can’t remember who [ __ ] wins the surf
contest who cares it wasn’t the rock guy
cuz they all get on his guitar was it
the was it the rocking horse you said
the rock guy remind you of someone uh I
I thought when they they started sinking
yeah I thought the rock guy was going to
sink into the ocean drown to death and
then come back as Lord Raptor there is a
beach episode of the darkstalkers
cartoon as well so it makes sense I
would do anything for love Bianca’s
treating her her manservant call it what
it is a slave Bianca’s treating her
slave really poorly and he starts
digging it he’s like you know no fanca I
love it when you’re forceful step aside
you wimp I love it when you’re
masterful and then she breaks she like
steps on his sand castle and he’s like
oh I wish she’d step on me he’s like
will you give me your hand like I’ll
give you my foot and he’s like even
better even better stick those Piggies
right
in I wouldn’t peg him for a sub but I
feel like he’ll be getting pegged later
tonight can you just can you just
imagine Bianca in a leather Teddy I mean
oh my God as if so it’s a no for Beverly
Hills teens what was the you just said
you liked it no like three times you
said I like this I like that Bev teens
is my favorite of tonight actually you
know what I think Bev Bev teens might be
my favorite I think it just by it being
the least annoying gets it that’s
[ __ ] bleak
I can’t think of anything nice to say
about these shows but no that it’s the
least annoying and it’s one of the most
annoying things we’ve ever seen it’s one
of the most annoying premises no
gravedale high was not annoying
gravedale high was a nothing show yeah
there was nothing there there were
awkward silences which is a pet peeve in
cartoons for me anyone out there Watch
Camp WWE a new cartoon that just came
out it’s about the WWE wrestlers if they
were kids there are so many awkward
silences in that show and one of the
running themes is a character will say
something stupid and then they’ll be
awkwardly silent to like let that
awkwardness set in but they keep doing
it to the point where you have to ask
yourself did they have 10 jokes and
we’re like [ __ ] we got a pad for time
but grave de High kept having moments
like that where there was just nothing
and in a cartoon especially for kids
where I mean this isn’t this isn’t
[ __ ] kagam Musha where you have to
sit back and like let the enormity of
what you just saw sink in or you have to
watch an actor like slowly perform
something so subtle that you’re like oh
yes it’s the it’s the it’s the things
he’s not doing which are important you
see how Rick Moranis doesn’t make a joke
after he walks into this door that’s the
real message the show that should have
had all the awkward signs should have
been Beverly Hills teen cuz Ryan Gosling
as his character from Drive is in it as
a child yeah and that movie the first
seven minutes don’t even have talking in
it and he’s also really awkward because
he’s [ __ ] that mannequin is this
him oh yes I forgot of course are you
talking about LS and the Real Girl or
are you talking about
mannequin Ryan goon’s best movie no this
takes place in Beverly Hills not
Hollywood but but mannequin also wasn’t
in bever in in in Hollywood though it in
Philadelphia I think it was shot in
Philadelphia did it take place in
Philadelphia I have no idea yeah we’ve
never seen mannequin please don’t get
upset with us
mannequin yeah so I guess the winner
tonight is Beverly Hills uh [ __ ] grav
Del high was a nothing show which is sad
because I love monsters I hate High
School I [ __ ] anything with high school
in it I bore even like persona it’s like
hey this is kind of
cool high school no thanks but Persona
has monsters yeah so it got you back in
but guess what has monsters and is also
in high school
the nothing
show actually I think Beverly Hills teen
is the show about nothing because it’s
got Jerry Seinfeld the nothing show who
is Jerry you keep saying Jerry Seinfeld
he’s got the same hair as Jerry Seinfeld
you say Pierce and I just keep thinking
of the characters from Community okay
Pierce and Troy
from team so yeah uh there’s no Chris
recommends Chris recommends not a show
where you watch cartoons and review them
that’s what I recommend Chris recommends
cyanide let’s recommend Harvey beaks
again well we go it’s watch it again uh
there are two other
cartoons that I have to watch uh we got
to watch uh our next bat Tunes we’re
watching evil con carne and uh then Pepe
Lew we’re watching some Pepe Lew shorts
because then I can uh can finally win
that game of DS9 Bingo did you just say
that eilon carne is a pad
tune there was not a table and a
microphone separating us I would beat
the [ __ ] out of
you so in
closing from Bad Tunes Andy do you have
any other remarks you wanted to say
before we
close I no longer fear death I welcome
it
last
idea to cross her
mind had something to
do with where to
find a pair of
jeans
to fit her
butt and where to get her toenails
cut
toenails
cut
he
Waterman did you write this story about
me yeah coach dude pretty awesome huh
I’ll show you
awesome no one says I’m not 100%
monster

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