Welcome to the very first episode of the SKETCHY FRIENDS podcast! Here, you will meet Mike, Jake and Niko… 3 friends from way back in the day who are approaching their 30’s and have pretty much given up all hope on any other sustainable or successful outlets/hustles. alas… PODCAST, babyboy.
(also on spotify or really anywhere else you like to bump this type of shit)

In this first episode, these assbags talk about why Rick Moranis can’t be trusted, some shit about aliens and plenty more utter nonsense. Those of you, if any, who have made it through this episode, THANK YOU (first and foremost) and if you enjoyed it, please SUBSCRIBE and share with any like-minded folk… or anyone for that matter. Especially your girlfriend in the baggy jeans. Also, let us know in the comments if you’re fuckin with us or you hate us and think we should just give up or whatever. Either way. We could use the interaction.

ALSO FOLLOW US ON IG
@sketchyfriendspodcast (nothing on it yet but its comin)
@mike_thomass
@nikorokz
@jakedrewmusic
Transcript:
so
welcome to sketchy friends we’re the
family friendly podcast if you’re from a
[ __ ] up family
roll the thing
[Music] [Music] what is going on guys first episode
i think jake has something to say oh
you look like you’d correct somebody on
the pronunciation of acai
i did that yesterday
skyler
are you serious i did yeah we were
looking at john patrick’s menu and she’s
like akai and i’m like it’s a site i
[ __ ] knew it oh man oh man oh my god
you know you definitely look like you
own more than one christmas sweater
no comment
you seem like the time to open up a
weird noodle restaurant what the [ __ ] is
this
you look like you tell yourself it’s
gonna be your day in the mirror every
morning oh no because i know it’s not
going to you seem like someone who would
have a recipe for like pizza sushi
you look like you cry when you eat
you’re the type to ironically know all
the lyrics to waka flocka song
hell of a way to start off the podcast
episode guys thanks shots
oh my god well hi yeah we’re uh
sketchy friends today apparently a
little more sketchy than usual
um i hate you guys
this is jake i’m mike this is nico over
here um hopefully we become a part of
your your weekly routine
uh
so yeah we’re a podcast we’re gonna
we’re gonna have a youtube channel do
some bits do some songs do some some
funny [ __ ] at least funny to us
um some chances people are gonna hate us
oh yeah i hate us i hate us too i hate
us dude we’re gonna do to youtube what
happened to vine
we’re gonna shut it the [ __ ] down
absolutely guys go check out our vimeo
um
so yeah let’s just give a kind of a
rundown of what this is gonna look like
um
i know we’ve done a lot of preparation
up to this point as far as like getting
the equipment this fancy mixer the
microphones the arms uh [ __ ] we even did
a different first episode and that
wasn’t even good enough for us so
yeah yep yep terrible terrible terrible
terrible was it the was it the baggy
jeans was it the mom jeans it was the
mom jeans okay yeah the mom jeans i
think once i started talking about how
weird my own ass
kind of i was like you know guys it may
not be that great
um
so yeah but yeah we’ve done a lot of
preparation a lot of a lot of writing a
lot of
stuff that goes into just a
conversation this is weird um
so yeah i mean you want to talk kind of
about like what our layout’s supposed to
look like like how how are we different
from every other podcast if you guys
want to kind of explain that we’re
really not man it’s just
you you heard one you heard them all
podcasts this podcast you know you got
three white dudes
talking in the microphones that’s it
what else do you need
equals podcast in 2022. we were out of
[ __ ] to do
i’m 30.
how old are you
almost 29. how old are you i’m 29 so we
got a 28 29 30. wow [ __ ] a yeah
podcast
equals
podcast so um yeah i mean we’re gonna
we’re planning on doing bits different
we have some different segments planned
games uh like i said some songs maybe so
just keep an eye out for that in the
future i think most of those are
obviously you’re only going to be able
to really see it on our video
uh component the audio
just just your casual coffee
conversation with friends um
your sketchy friends your bad friends
that you shouldn’t be hanging out around
why are we sketchy
why are we sketchy what makes us so
sketchy you think
is it because people don’t like us
we are our only friends
we are our only friends probably nobody
knows what we’re up to hey man
that’s a sketch
[ __ ] only fans only friends i mean a
little behind the scenes we were just
outside filming a bit
and some lady walking her dog saw a
little bit more of me than she should
she was pissed yeah i was doing some
weird stuff you’ll see it um
uh but yeah i mean keep in mind we we’re
new to this like we’re idiots we’re
gonna learn this as we go we may change
up the the routine change up how we do
things along the way but
it’s whatever we you don’t know until
you jump into it
true um so we’re going to be doing
instagram youtube
tick tock
um we’re gonna set up linkedin just just
for opportunities
what are we at sketchy friends podcast
is that tbd
friends podcast yeah okay yeah i mean
you’ll you’ll find it if you’re watching
the video down below it’s not going to
work youtube with nothing on it yeah not
even followers
not even a profile picture i don’t think
i think i denied a follow request from
sketchy friends podcast uh
i think i i mean like i said our
schedule’s looking like it’s gonna be
around once a week this these episodes
come out um
yeah i mean pretty standard [ __ ] yeah um
our uh
audio episodes they should be available
on all your platforms all the different
you know
apple music spotify
amazon i believe um we’re shooting for
fridays right shooting for fridays on
releases so uh
if it’s friday and we don’t have
something out
it’s probably because we were living our
lives the way we’re usually doing
yeah we’re doing some sketchy [ __ ] um
i do
take a drink every time we say sketchy
oh god uh
yeah
yeah i had did you guys listen to many
podcasts before we had the idea to make
one
i listened to like two yeah and they
were nothing like this
okay so much smarter just got into the
only podcast i think i’m into is stevo’s
wild ride
and drink champs
gotcha that’s about it
i don’t like no no i’m not i feel like
like since we had the idea to do a
podcast that’s all i do know like i i
mean
music is far few and far between
so
it’s weird i like getting to the car and
i’m like sure hope i need to drive for
an hour yeah to get this whole episode
in i get bored i get poor people talking
i just maybe it’s like i’m just lonely
like i i’m not perceiving it the way i
should have well no for sure i’m just
like yeah guys i’m talking my car to the
speakers
good point guys i agree with you
so if you’re doing that in your car
right now then you know we’re okay with
that because i do it um
the best way i put it like as far as uh
and if you see me looking down it’s
because i wrote some points here until i
can
fix this
uh just so that it you know it’s not
dragging on there’s no pauses or
anything
uh but what i wrote down here is our
sense of humor is that of a third grader
that can read at a seventh grade level
you think so i think so
i think i’m at like a seven and a half
grade level
um y’all are a lot more smarter than i
so a lot more smarter y’all read good
dude
there you have it i mean at least you
have somebody here that can correct you
on the pronunciation of acai that’s true
yeah i called it a kai for the longest
time i did too and then once i learned
it was wrong i had to spread the news
i [ __ ] knew it and the idea for a
sushi pizza is remarkable i need to uh
when i said it it sounded about right i
was like you know what that sounds
actually we should do that yeah i mean
there there have been i know i’ve seen a
sushi burrito that was weird what yeah
it just like it felt like really dry
like yeah yeah the soy sauce that sure
but it’s like one that’s all gushy but
it’s like one big sushi yeah it’s like
one big sushi
it’s not like what an egg roll is the
one juice no but it’s like it’s like you
have like wheat and rice
is the wrapper it’s like the tortilla in
the equation and then you’ve got all the
fish and the whatever
and the crab
and then it’s like it’s it’s wrapped i
think king super sells them
but yeah i like i i remember the i i
haven’t had it for years the one time i
had it was the night before my wedding
and i’m parking a lot by myself
because i was like waiting on some
friends to finish up doing something and
i’m just like that’s right that’s what
you were doing the night before yeah
yeah and that was when they brought back
uh crystal pepsi
huh the see-through
pepsi i don’t just make you feel weird
about yourself
uh yeah i know so they it was i just i
was waiting for some friends to finish
up hanging out whatever they were doing
what does that mean
i know it’s
his brother uh he was staying at my
house for the wedding uh because he he
lives in arizona
and he was going to see some old friends
and hang out and i was you know
obviously doing some wedding stuff
so i was waiting for him to finish up
hanging out and i’m like you know what
i’m out about the day before my wedding
i may as well go celebrate why not get
some grocery stores so i got a sushi
burrito and some crystal pepsi and it
like apparently it was decent because i
still remember it to this day fair
enough you know fair enough i don’t
remember anything the night before your
wedding i don’t remember anything the
day of the
week i remember nothing after the
ceremony
uh
oh yeah mike got wrecked it was a it was
a good time
for sure i remember just a bunch of
people singing bohemian rhapsody that’s
the we have like 20 people singing
bohemian that’s like one of the only
things i remember yeah actually you were
like pretty you were like hanging out
with my sister i was
for a good portion of the night and uh
what up megan yeah i thought it was uh
hi megan uh
i i thought it was weird just because
you guys never interacted and i i’ve
never interacted with my sister she’s
cool
i hear she’s that’s what i’m hearing
that’s the rumor i’d love to meet her um
but like we had like a we had like a
signature book for the wedding and like
uh jake and my sister were in it like
four times yeah it was just like we got
drunk together man she was thought she
was a female
female version of you yeah and then uh
later in the night we’re all hanging out
on the deck and our neighbors came out
to say we’re being too loud and nico got
up and he’s like why’d you go the [ __ ] back inside
and i was like that’s the loudest i’ve
ever seen nico and it was the best
present i’ve ever received
um that was the jack fire talking ironic
because every time we partied here
at nico’s house it was always the
opposite he was always shutting us up
yeah
that was like his signature move he
didn’t like the ross from friends
hey
chill out
there it is
[Music] [Laughter] i had a whole plan to start the the
episode off you guys lay into me you
know what we came up with it earlier
today and we were just gonna run with it
i mean i’m not saying they weren’t good
but i’m not saying they weren’t true you
know they were they were solid lines but
[ __ ] you guys what’s funny is the acai
one came in my dream last night okay so
that’s really weird you did that
yesterday
i thought it was just the shrooms i mean
the coolest thing the coolest things
always coming up like i had a dream
uh
about jake at an ice cream store and
like that’s a good one we’re we’re at
this like little ice cream parlor and i
i never recognized before and keep in
mind i never dream
like i never i very rarely remember
dreaming so like when i woke up from
this one i instantly went to my phone i
[ __ ] wrote it down um but yeah we’re
at an ice cream parlor and there was a
flavor called red nightmare
it sounds as good as it was but the
flavor like when you when you ate it you
would have like vietnam flashbacks
did we tell you about this
uh i think so okay i’m not sure i’m
gonna tell them about it regardless uh
tell listen her um
listener but basically yes
uh if you’re out there still looking for
you um no i know where my dad is
so we uh it’s this flavor called red
nightmare you have the vietnam
flashbacks every time you eat it and
jake ordered a bowl of it knowing this
and he’s like having these traumatizing
like looks on his face like there’s a
movie playing behind his eyelids that i
can’t see and he’s just like oh my god
oh my god oh my god
and uh
then once it like once they pass he
orders more red nightmare
and he said no no that was just a bad
batch
like you know if somebody puts out like
a terrible flavor of ice cream jake’s
just going to be convinced that the next
bowl is going to be better
never he’s like nah man that was on me
but the name is he’s like oh yeah that
one tasted like we were raining down
hellfire in a forest
maybe this next bowl will be good i’ll
get it with some nuts or something
he just kept eating it and ordering the
red nightmare and i kept telling him
jake there’s no other bats they’re
pulling it out of the same bucket and
he’s like nah dude it’s the next bull’s
the one and then that’s the entire dream
was that over and over again just on a
loop and it was the funniest [ __ ] when i
woke up
and i was like i never would have
thought of that awake no yeah yeah with
the name like red nightmare man that’s
gotta be good eventually
you have to try it you have to try it
well you got to keep eating it yeah i
mean if it was like if i go into an ice
cream shop and it’s red it’s just like
hot rod red i gotta i got to get this
absolutely
even if he’s just like yeah dude it’s
going to taste like pennies because it’s
blood flavored just some straight megan
fox blood ice cream
she goes into the cold stone and she’s
like
do you have any uh mgk blood you know if
this ice cream could use
god
people these days is that how they did
it you think how the [ __ ] i did i i
vaguely remember like hearing something
about it she’s like it wasn’t like a
weird one like like
he would try to he would try to just
like stab himself in the chest and go
aggressive with it exactly but i’m like
no you just need to take a sliver from
your finger
and like i’m like she’s trying to like
wait i’m lost what’s going on here
talking about megan fox and uh
mgk [ __ ] drinking each other’s blood
that’s weird man
how do you how they do it like
i just make sure she’s got a blog online
with just different blood recipes
yeah
you just take a cinnamon
take a an eighth of a teaspoon of blood
and right into the guacamole
honey she’s like this is how we do it on
a summer day but it’s going to be like
every other recipe online for sure where
it’s got like 15 paragraphs before the
actual recipe dude
they’re going to straight up own like a
[ __ ] uh smoothie shop
well he already owns a coffee shop well
there you go to be like a raspberry
blood orange
blood orange but
but it’s just a normal orange with
actual blood yeah oh my god
who doesn’t want to eat that
jeez
yeah i uh
i think i think when i go home i’ll ask
skyler if she wants to hey
what prick each other’s fingers and
suck the [ __ ] out of it a little bit
maybe
don’t worry she won’t get this far into
the episode she’ll never know
honey
you don’t have to listen
um
love you skylar
yeah uh i saw travis barker and kourtney
kardashian got married hmm
secretly and mark hoppus was there but
tom delong was not i wonder why so much
for a blink reunion i mean i wouldn’t
say that like
they always like to they know what
people want to hear and so like you know
if mark like
i i feel like it like if if i were him
and i noticed like oh my instagram
followers are down
let me uh
throw a little picture of tom out there
let’s see what happens yeah and then you
know they know they can they can kind of
manipulate [ __ ] how i mean he’s busy
chasing aliens
it makes sense well not only is he busy
chasing aliens but he’s like the top guy
to do it now
i think he [ __ ] is an alien it’s so
funny that everybody for years laughed
at tom
like you know being obsessed with aliens
like conspiracies and then he’s like
i i’m in with the government do you
remember the night we were me and mike
were doordashing i don’t know if you
remember this you have to remember this
a [ __ ] ufo over the car and we
watched it zoom into the sky
yes what the
it was not it can’t be anything else man
this [ __ ] was wild yeah um
no i mean we we went through like every
every like possible
plausible it was probably the most
mature conversation we’ve had
where we’re like nah dude it was a drone
but it was way too fast to be dropped
way too fast
it just like it came in
the car
yeah
well granted you have a tiny car
the wind does blow it but however this
was different dude it was literally we
watched it it was like
and then into the sky just quick like
that a quick light it was wow we tried
to explain it away with like reasonable
stuff and
none of it there’s no
did it get to the car it was dude it
hadn’t been right above my butt
i felt it in my dick
i got probed
i got hard
instantly
i i checked
he was i showed him my heart
mike goes is that your [ __ ] dick yeah
and it was
oh my god are you okay you’re so hard i
throbbed out of my pants
aliens no
so that was a hell of an experience i
guess dude no it was wild yeah that was
yeah that really happened yep
you know it’s true because i mean we’re
all door dashers and
we
you know jake said while we were dashing
so you know it’s true nope right
yep
so but yeah i mean like the i know that
video that came out
was a couple years ago where the
government was just like all right yep
that’s a ufo you got us yeah i think it
was it was released by just last year i
think yeah yeah
and it’s just it’s nuts that he’s at the
forefront and like knows all this info
that the world doesn’t and it’s like and
this is back when like take off your
pants and no no it was in the
[ __ ] of the state when uh aliens
exist
i mean he’s always
he would uh apparently like
when they were on tour like back in the
day he’d just be reading books about you
know like sasquatch and aliens and [ __ ] like
i think that’s what he said in an
interview so
there’s somebody out there that’s like
that’s not what tom did i’m tom’s
favorite person and
okay sorry i’m just paraphrasing what i
think i remember from an interview i
watched
um but yeah he was just always reading
books about
[ __ ] that most people don’t think is
real and then i’m like okay well now if
tom believes that [ __ ] unicorns are
real i believe in it probably yeah
probably yeah
yep plus they’re [ __ ] here dude for
sure um yeah they are they’re coming
here and they’re [ __ ] this is what
game means i did i would love to [ __ ] a
martian i don’t know about you guys
please
you think you got shoveling i feel like
we’ve all gone through a couple martians
already
it’s a fantasy we’re gonna say
so
but yeah i mean i like my [ __ ] green
and i don’t need an eco-friendly one
that’ll be eco-friendly
i want me a nice
gluten-free
gluten-free [ __ ] vegan
[ __ ] it feels really contradictory to say i
want a gluten-free vegan [ __ ] yeah you
dude absolutely that’s a weird kind of
misogynistic
absolutely um
so yeah i mean with
i was thinking about it the other day
and like you know with seeing the
pictures of travis barker’s wedding with
like you know no tom where was it paris
it was in italy oh italy and it was
weird because like apparently
uh
people would have to take a boat to the
venue
and it was like apparently like this
really intimate thing but they had to
take a boat and then like walk up like a
million stairs to get to where the
ceremony was like [ __ ] red rocks i’m
like cool yeah get all the kardashians
and all their dresses make them walk up
a [ __ ] mountain
they could use
it um it’s like
yeah i mean i always i always dread the
thought of that i was like going to a
wedding and it’s like cool it’s just a
nice mile hike
up to the oh i’m like cool tell me how
it is in a [ __ ] suit yeah and they’re
like but we’ve got some pretty sweet
hors d’oeuvres at the top and i’ll be
like oh crab cakes i’m sorry
i guess we’ll be running up those steps
dude
yeah you’ll probably hear some sound
effects throughout all this we we loaded
up our fancy little mixer so
we got niko on the ones and twos this is
new how much we paying for this thing a
month
uh is it 80
close to yeah about yeah 80.
i
respect the process anybody want to take
up our lease on this thing yeah well
i mean we just use it one day a week so
you know if you need it for a party
donate you know donate that’s all
we’re going to sublet our mixer
that we can barely afford um
so but yeah they they they walked up
this mountain to this [ __ ] wedding
and i’m thinking like
you know mgk is there at travis parker’s
wedding it’s gotta be
so like
i was like okay well in there i feel
like tom’s been hinting at a lot of
uh
you know blink related stuff and i’m
just thinking is there a world in the
future
where blink 182 consists of the
original members
with just mark tom and travis and i say
original with air quotes if you’re
listening with the audio
um what if i bite off those fingers
with mgk
no that was the april fools prank right
do you remember that yeah yeah but i
feel like there’s they’re gonna do
something with mgk
i’m not gonna like it he might feature
on something for sure i mean
yeah yeah it’s inevitable but like if
they they do the next album and it’s
mark tom and travis featuring mgk yeah
yeah
for the whole thing no no just like like
at least for a song
i’m just saying you got to assume like
with how close travis and mgk have
gotten right
that
you know what if
this next blink album
is mark tom and travis like tom comes
back because that would be he’s been
hinting at it a lot i mean hinting at a
lot of blink 182 related stuff
um
and then
like they’re probably gonna like if they
do that they’ll still kind of feature
with mgk and i’m just trying to point
out the weirdness in that
the the original lineup of the lincoln
82 we all know with a machine gun kelly
do you remember when they did that song
with yellow wolf
yeah that was a weird one that was a
weird one that was a weird one and
that’s the thing is like everybody
always talks about yeah i want mark tom
and travis back i’m like okay yeah but
the last time they did that it kind of
sucked it kind of sucked because i mean
respectfully tom wants to do angels and
airwaves that’s why you left in the
first place which i’m into but it’s a
good one to sound like angels and
airwaves and mark wants to sound like
blink and travis wants to sound like
blink too the thing
is
angels and airwaves newest album is very
good very good sounds very similar to we
listened to it twice didn’t we i yeah i
think we listen together holding hands
and yeah naked naked um
that’s when the ufo came yeah so [ __ ] a
full circle that’s when you got hard but
i’ve been hard buddy i was hard the
whole time
from tom to the ufo
[Music] well i think it’s time we do our segment
what do you guys think
uh like yeah what do we got all right
uh this segment is called fake
conspiracy
[Music] oh
[ __ ] um it’s just an observation that
we’ve made
that kind of
points out the truth to something so it
may not be something publicly known but
you’re we’re going to be your exclusive
first look
we need to what actually goes down in
the world we are a society
um so what do you guys think uh
i’m just gonna say it
rick moran has killed tupac guys
is that what we were supposed to do
honey he shrunk his dick honey he shrunk
tupac’s life
i regret that
honey he shot the puck okay wait
hold on what are you saying rick moranis
killed right
honey i shrunk the kids fame
was tupac’s killer
how you need me to lay this out
very much so all right guys
do you have it on paper oh i got it all
on paper okay guys i mean i got
deets i got the notes i’ve done my
research i know what happened i know
what happened all right so
let me give you a bit of background
information
who is rick moranis
what the hell was that so i had no place
to put my hands but there’s nothing
wrong with that i’m just saying what
what what is this
i love you guys i know you guys very
well
uh-huh
i there’s a reason you don’t see what’s
going on under the table
that’s our thing
and our thing yeah separate
look this can’t be a full level this
isn’t uh what do you call it polite
polygamy polygamy polygamy acai should
it be though
if you would
you would uh anyways rick moran has
killed tupac let me give you some
background information so rick moranis
as we all know he’s a he’s a huge in the
90s and the i think even the 80s um i
wasn’t around then i wasn’t seeing
movies
you know i wasn’t born um
but yeah huge star back in the day he
retired um in
uh
you know in the mid 90s uh presumably to
take care of his kids after his wife
died in 1991. no this is all facts these
are facts everything i’m going to say
here the factual facts okay
um his last movie before he retired was
big bully with tom arnold uh it’s very
little known movie i didn’t know about
it before
you know i had this realization that
rick moranis was the one that did this
um but yeah it’s called big bully it
came out uh in january of 1996.
keep in mind eight months before tupac
died yeah so there’s enough time for it
to go to theaters
go to vhs
and basically die off into the ether oh
yeah that’s got tom arnold in it he’s
got tom arnold a [ __ ] egg what’d you
expect mr roseanne bar himself
at the time i think he had the mullet
for her
my mullet’s better his mole is better
you think so yeah oh yeah um but yeah
the movie was god-awful i think it if i
remember right when i checked it was a
zero on rotten tomatoes
uh yeah no yeah yeah again actual
factual zero if i can remember right i
believe it was a zero on rotten tomatoes
now that rating may have changed because
i went in there and i was like yes best
movie ever
yeah only comment
it was from me and tom arnold um
but yeah it was a 14 million dollar
budget and it bombed it made only 2
million
so you know studio lost 12 million out
of that huge vlog
so that was rick moranis last movie um
tupac was killed on september 13 1996 in
las vegas
uh
once again eight months after big bully
came out
um rick moranis has been claiming that
he he did retire because his his wife
did pass away unfortunately due to
cancer um in 1991 and he wanted to be
around to raise his children typical
cover-up now here’s where the
speculation begins if his wife passed
away in 1991
what was he doing for five years
masturbating making shitty movies oh
funny
i jerked myself
um so here here’s honey i [ __ ] my okay
so here’s how this here’s how it all
went down so after big bully bombed he
went rick moranis he was he was
devastated he went to vegas to just blow
off some steam you know rick moran is
big playboy you know he he was in the
drugs the drinking the smoking the
gambling
smoking yeah so he went to vegas to blow
off some steam he was bummed out over
big bully just
flopping
uh he was experimenting with some drugs
quick question yeah did he direct and
produce that movie like
i believe he just acted okay yeah why do
you ask but but you guys gotta keep in
mind he is such a method actor
that he he he was he was fully
compassionate he doesn’t even wear the
glasses in real life it was his other
fake lenses
yeah well there’s a lot of things he’s
faking guys
um
is the wife even real
that i confirm yeah
is she a metaphor for tupac
anyways
wow so he’s in vegas he loses all his
money and he’s he’s just completely high
on hallucinogens um so his his posse you
know he was always rolling around in his
posse you know he’s got his guys he
rolls deep he rolls deep you know ain’t
nobody getting near him uh they got in
the back they got in their cadillac they
started driving home yeah
rick’s in the back seat and he’s just
staring out the window and he’s like god
how did everything get so bad
you know why did it come to this
you know he’s just having some deep
thoughts for for a dude that’s just
tripping off the electric kool-aid yeah
um
you know he’s just rolling on some disco
biscuits going down
going down east flamingo and just
thinking where’d it all go wrong um so
they did pull up to a stop light at east
flamingo in covalene as we all know is
the infamous intersection where tupac
was murdered
to his left he noticed a bmw with a
pretty recognizable face pull-up in the
passenger seat
we know
that that was tupac
and suge and shook um
rick
being the high [ __ ] that he was
being the little giant that he is he
looked over and he saw tom arnold
himself
because we all know tom arnold holds a
very strong resemblance to tupac
uh and he was he was high have you seen
him
[ __ ] kite what can you blame him
that’s the next conspiracy is tom arnold
tupac
he saw his co-star who in little
background info tom arnold played his
bully who was nicknamed fang
in the movie and he was nicknamed fang
because he had like one of his canine
teeth was pretty long and sharp wow so
it looked like he had a thing
uh but yeah he’s upset about the movie
he sees the guy that portrayed his bully
he’s a method actor he can’t separate
reality from the plot one of the best
yeah still can’t get over the role still
can
um so
what’s he do when he sees his
his nemesis his rival
uh tom arnold was in the back seat
of the car no we know it was tupac
rick moranis being high on on the nose
nachos yeah looked over and he didn’t
see tupac
what if he saw tom arnold in the [ __ ] backseat
maybe
maybe
all we know is that he saw tarm arnold
and then he saw red
and tupac was rolling with fang the
whole time
the name like thing
yeah he’s rolling everywhere yeah so i
mean you know you know and i mean rick
mourinho says notorious for always
keeping that thing on him he’s always
got his heater
floatie on him um it didn’t help at all
that tom’s role in the movie was
his bully
you know and he’s like you know what i’m
finally gonna stick up for myself
i’m gonna get payback for this movie
flopping because it’s this
motherfucker’s fault i keep pointing
over here because the car was to the
left i checked
wait it was yeah yeah that’s the picture
anyways yeah
i am rick and i’m just full of [ __ ] hatred fury um
so yeah i i wrote down here since rick
moranis was always known to keep that
thing on him the drugs and the
resentment had gotten the best of him
and he drew his weapon and started
unloading into the bmw beside him
thinking he was finally putting an end
to tom arnold’s treachery
unbeknownst to him at the moment
possibly the most revered hip-hop artist
in history was fatally wounded in that
car
uh rick’s crew
obviously they freaked out you know they
they peeled out they they drove off into
the night uh
i can only imagine that in that moment
uh
rick was in the back
with a smug little smile on his face as
he lit up a fat cuban
suge style and and you know he had that
feeling of satisfaction that he he rid
the world of a menace
um
so the next morning rick woke up in a
hotel in a motel motel in the nevada
desert his crew they freaked out they
dropped him off they said you need the
knight
rick’s waking up thinking
wow i i can’t believe i killed tom
arnold
you know what a feat what a
you know
he turns on the news and what does he
see
wait so this is year what 96.96
september of 96. wasn’t
he still on
how long did roseanne go on for
roseanne
yeah rick moranis roseanne no tom arnold
tom arnold i mean tom arnold’s not a
part of this tom arnold killed nobody he
was never there rick moranis thought he
saw tom arnold i thought he was in the
back seat no
dude you gotta listen you said he was in
the backseat acai
so yeah no rick moranis he turns on the
news and he sees the hip-hop artist
tupac is in the hospital in critical
condition
that’s when the memories start flooding
in
that’s when rick starts oh my god
oh my god he starts pacing back and
forth throughout the motel room i
thought it was fang i thought it was
fang
uh
um
you know and it freaked him out i mean
rick is a g
rick moranis is is
they call him rick moranis you know
because that’s what he gets
no but he he’s a baller but he’s also a
human being he’s got a conscious he’s
got a conscience so uh he’s a thug but
he’s the love of the heart you know
um he realized that even if he had
killed tom arnold he was never gonna
feel pride in himself again
you know he he just
took a true artist out of this world
away from everybody or at least in that
moment
you know they’re in critical condition
you know tupac didn’t die for another
six days
um
but i mean he he said he’s never going
to let the drugs get to him again he’s
never going to let the drugs own him
um
rehab
is there any probably eventually i was
only around for the murder
i don’t know what happened after i’m
just trying to get the series of events
here so in addition to quitting the
drugs on the spot you know rick said i’m
never doing him again i’m done
um he also realized he probably needed
to lay low
you know i mean he just murdered a man
he’s he can’t be out he can’t be trying
to do more movies i could just shrink
myself
now you know the reboot plot um
but it was a perfect point for him to
just kind of fade in to
the background
you know his big his movie just flopped
you know he had kids at home that he
needed to raise he shouldn’t be out in
vegas just partying
absolutely irresponsible i mean i think
he he’s like the pit bull of the 90s
i couldn’t
um hold on elaborate but it was it was
it was easy for rick to turn down any
offers that came his way
um because his movie was such a flop so
there weren’t many offers coming in so
his last movie it was book big bully big
bully was his last movie okay
i’ve never heard of it never i actually
watched it
to research this yeah
[Laughter] he was clearly on the sauce
yeah
i mean he well that’s the thing is
the movie is about him being bullied
as a grown man so he’s let me give you a
little synopsis of the movie
so it’s rick moranis as a kid
is bullied by tom arnold as a kid
by faint okay
rick moranis uh
moves away
as a kid
comes back to town to be a teacher
when he’s an adult
and
as a grown man he comes back as a baby
see i told you the plot’s terrible i
mean i believe it i just want to make
sure
he comes back he comes back to teach his
his old middle school when he’s an adult
and tom arnold’s character is the wood
shop teacher
um before he moved away
uh tom arnold’s character stole like a
moon rock from a school assembly
and
rick moranis’s character snitched on him
so tom arnold got taken away to re
reform school basically like kid prison
and his parents dipped him like like he
he had to go to an orphanage he ruined
tom arnold’s life you know as revenge
for bullying him
uh
so yeah basically tom arnold’s bullying
him again as an adult
um
and it’s just crazy okay i gotta watch
this thing it’s on amazon this is great
i’m not gonna watch it it it wasn’t like
the jokes were pretty funny
like one of his friends from his
childhood is a pr a pyro
and uh when he goes back and grows when
he grows up and goes back to his
hometown the same dude’s uh firefighter
and he pulls up in a fire truck holding
a cigarette he’s like david how you
doing
it is [ __ ] hilarious but um
yeah i mean in
typical 90s movie there’s one black
person in the entire movie that sounds
typical yeah in a rick moore asphalt i
don’t think there was any black people
in
any little little giants uh honey i
shrunk my dick
little giants i think there were
i don’t know i don’t remember
yeah
the quarterback
the kid quarterback on the other team
was oh
it’s like a game of where’s waldo in the
90s because there’s no diversity in
movies absolutely not it’s not in the
rick miranda’s movie real white [ __ ] right well i mean after
you know
realizing that rick moran has killed
tupac
i don’t want to see him again you know
i’m glad he’s just no but i mean
uh i mean he didn’t he didn’t need to
forget hollywood because hollywood
forgot about him
glad he faded into black um
i’ve got here i mean he cleaned up his
act raised his children he moved on with
his life
however he carries the guilt and the
pain of knowing that he rick moranis
ended tupac’s life and he’s probably
just sitting in his bedroom listening to
who shot you
well that’s a way to he’s the
stay tuned for false conspiracies next
week when we dig into rick moreno’s
ghost writing
to make up for his that was a big song
who shot you
he does not get enough credit for his
writing
he goes road who shot him
okay
so yeah that’s
i mean the way i see it that’s all
that’s all
fact
rick moranis definitely did it
and we’re just waiting for the day that
he he comes back from the shadows and
when he comes back from the shadows he’s
going to be here to [ __ ] but
did he unshrink his dick
he didn’t have to dude i mean he shrunk
his dick it was still like a foot long
yeah i mean big dick moranis dude
big dick mourinho
rickmore penis dude
that’s what they didn’t tell you right
that was stupid
so all this obviously okay just a
disclaimer i don’t really think rick
moran has killed tupac but
i’m pretty convinced
i mean i mean
the facts were laid out i did a lot we
did a lot of research into this and it’s
like checks out
probably the dates are accurate but
i went i’m not convinced
i went from yeah no he definitely didn’t
do it to like
okay he could have
it makes a little too much sense if you
ask me yes slicky ricky moranis dude
he’s he’s always up to no good
speaking of which uh did you guys hear
about what elon musk did no
who’s elon musk elon musk he’s uh
uh
he’s the creator of uh beefaroni um
he got accused of exposing himself to a
flight attendant
they just came out and they said it was
on a one of the spacex flights one of
his flights just recently in in 2016
so
uh about
63 years ago um
it’s my mass right
but
according to this to this person that
came out and said this um
he he showed
this is going to be graphic all right
um but apparently his [ __ ] dick
he showed his whole [ __ ] he showed his erect penis to her he was
rubbing her her leg without consent he
offered to buy her a horse in exchange
for an erotic massage
so it’s like that’s like somebody like
hey
you do this thing for me i’ll give you
more responsibilities was it a tesla
horse
it was a self-driving
tower
it was a self-driving horse yeah and you
just charge it
horsepower of a tesla
[Music] you’re an all-star get your game
like like horses you gotta
that’s probably a lot of work you gotta
like stable it you gotta you gotta wash
it take care of it tesla came the [ __ ] out of nowhere am i wrong like
where the [ __ ] did elon come from bro
you just like i just remember him like
all of a sudden it was a thing tesla and
elon musk were a thing i don’t know
tesla horses coming soon yeah yeah
before this is never seen tesla’s like
on the street i only saw like the store
in the mall i’ve never even seen that
it went from like bill gates all of a
sudden elon musk like that’s all i
remember well no jeff bezos and then
[ __ ] elon musk
these guys that just have impossible
amounts of money yeah impossible just
impossible
for red boots
um but his response
to the accusations
um
they’re not did he take to twitter
oh he definitely took to twitter
okay
the one one of them one of the tweets he
put out was finally we get to use a long
gate as a scandal name it’s kind of
perfect
i dig it
elon’s a [ __ ] pimp dude
i’m joking i don’t even know i really
don’t like if like that’s your response
to if this is all true you got to be
delicate you know no for sure and that’s
that’s the thing is like a lot of people
are saying like you know he just
he’s dropping like what 44 billion on
twitter
to buy twitter he already did right and
so
you know people are coming out of the
woodwork and they’re like well
before that and i think it’s a lot to do
with
a lot of people are doubting that it’s
legitimate i mean it’s always well sure
i hate to be in that position
like like no he didn’t i mean you know
because because like then like what does
that say to the victim like if it did
happen no no for sure for sure for sure
it definitely mattered no for sure and
so uh
yeah so a lot of people are saying it’s
[ __ ] but like if it isn’t his
responses are
bad
um
he also in one of his tweets challenged
the accuser um
to describe just one thing
about what they saw about his dick scars
uh tattoos metal piercings yeah a tesla
[ __ ] stamp which brings me to one
conclusion is that elon musk must have
something unique going on about his dick
the fact that it has tesla right he’s
like oh yeah
prove it
if you saw my dick what do i have hey
there’s a [ __ ] license plate on it
yeah just musk yeah i mean he just got a
robot [ __ ] he’s like you ready for this yeah just
[ __ ] wires
for the veins is this just wired like
let me just plug her in
i mean
[ __ ] are you looking up elon musk’s
dick tell me that doesn’t look like a
dick
look at the tesla is that the tesla logo
yeah
elon musk just has a tesla logo where
his dick should be i i mean it looks
oddly like a [ __ ] and balls
a little bit he’s got a he’s got a
pointy one it’s pointy but it doesn’t
take gas it’s all electric i’ve seen
some weird dicks in my life
[Music] including your own
including my own buddy
he just got like on it like like above
his dick it’s just tattooed it’s hashtag
elongate
and
[Laughter] prepare for elon’s musk
yeah there you go
[Laughter] he’s trying to make an acronym
yeah what the [ __ ] uh a for dick
uh appendage is that appended
that
correct sensitive long assay
[Laughter] [Laughter] awesome uh so yeah i mean we’ll we’ll
see what happens with that but
i mean
people watching online
like
i guess just me people watching on
twitter
just i’m just like looking at elon’s
twitter and i’m just cringing every time
he says something about it he’s like
yeah [ __ ] i’m gonna make a joke
what’s elon musk’s net worth
it’s a syntax error on a calculator
you try to you try to figure it out it’s
like no
too many fun ti-84 i can’t even
pronounce the number
yeah let’s see let’s see what is it
218.1 billion oh jesus christ and he’s
spent
how much is bill gates
125.
and bezos is 132. oh damn
i know like bezos and elon musk were
like neck and necks there for a while
yeah
yeah elon
did something
he’s coming out man it’s like cyber
truck
here we go did you guys ever see the
video
a [ __ ] elon musk like presenting the
tesla uh i don’t even remember what it
was and
he threw the rock at the window yeah the
cyber truck was that what it was yeah
[Music] oh guess that one wasn’t ready oh
god he’s
yeah i mean he’s awkward
i can’t tell he’s like i should look up
to him or not
like he’s such a weird dude but he’s
done some good things but he’s a weird
dude but he’s also an [ __ ] where the [ __ ] is tom from myspace today
that’s what i want to know oh dude he’s
he’s living on
off an island somewhere just like he
[ __ ] collected and dipped like
straight up smart man dude absolutely
yeah
tom from myspace you end up watching
this come on the pod
yeah yeah i do that would be ahead of
you that would be dope you know pc for
pc
[Laughter] yeah the last known thing september 2014
he’s off this
radar
yeah absolutely
wild cool wild
well i uh
i think this was this was fun if you’re
seeing this it went well wait who where
who were we talking to this episode the
list the the people oh the people that
live in my in my camera oh
hi guys hi this went a lot more solid
than last time yeah so yeah i think so
we got more solid we did uh we did good
we did so good please tell us we did
good yeah we need that validation yeah
i’m 30.
uh
everything else failed so
i’m going to steal i’m going to steal a
bit from smartless
was that
so you know you know a rhymes with a psy
oh

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