The school systems have lied to you; humans lived with dinosaurs, cars were invented before Henry Ford and Rick Moranis was taller than you remember. Welcome to Viva Rock Vegas!

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welcome back to
jabber mounds i hope you’re ready to get
prehistoric with friend
so exciting it’s so exciting it’s
hearthstone’s viva rock vegas
and i am the great space pope barrett
mcclellan joined by
i’m ethan i’m just regular ethan again
i am reverend jd oh god would you like
to
should we tell them about our holy space
church yes the holy space church of
samwise gambling
zoo of the great kazoo all right boy so
we watched
the flintstones in vivo rock vegas yes
this is
well i mean it’s half flintstones viva
rock it’s half
rock vegas until halfway through the
film
right wait for for reference we’re what
is this episode this is either going to
be episode four or five right
depending we’re deciding on some things
though but um
in case you guys were here thinking for
like all three congruent listeners who
thought we were going to be doing the
michael bay turtles because we said we
would do the michael bay turtles we
won’t we’re not doing the michael bay
turtles
at least not yet because dear god we’re
sick of ninja turtles right now
sick of cg ninja turtles give me the
live-action ones and the live-action
ones only
but that’s why we’re doing this
beautiful dumpster fire of a movie this
week
i’m very excited you know the the minute
i saw it like uh months ago on hbo max i
said i’m gonna
watch this one day he would not leave us
alone about it at every
every possible moment to bring it up in
podcast conversation hey hey hey you
guys want to watch
the flintstones in viva rock vegas no
it was less than two days before would
be like hey guys we can i don’t know
about viva rock vegas i don’t know if i
want to watch it and then here i come
swooping in like an angel of mercy when
it’s like we can’t do another ninja
turtles
and here i it was
i will admit this was a fun movie too to
rip apart
yeah yeah oh cause it’s so bad
um my first like
jarring gripe was the the cg versus
puppet stuff
because they do it pretty early on well
and it jumps between cg
and puppets like every four seconds well
and it’s weird because like it really
varies in quality too like some cg is
actually kind of good
some cg is really really really bad
some puppets are extremely rough i
thought the dino puppet was actually
really
good i i don’t know it was just the lack
of consistency like if it was all bad
it would be a little more acceptable for
me like i could i could ingest it a
little better
but it’s like they picked and shoot
they’re like nah [ __ ] that one i don’t
like that one
dude oh my god i just realized from an
editing standpoint i’m gonna have to
blur it i’m gonna have to bleep swear so
many times from now on
oh but i’m so hard to not swear he’s so
hard
ladies and gentlemen that is disgusting
talk about that
for a long time the biggest joke
obviously from this
is you’re gonna get rock hard yeah yeah
it’s all rock puns
yeah but for me it was legit cuz like i
don’t know oh boy and it’s only this
movie too because i haven’t seen her in
anything else
here we go no i’ve no like when i was a
kid
okay you know like i was there wasn’t
anything else i was seeing her in that
made me feel this way but i saw viva
rock vegas a million times when i was a
kid
and jane krakowski who plays betty rob
betty rubble who who is an upgrade from
rosie o’donnell in the first movie i
love this woman’s i
simp for for jane krakowski if by some
reason here folks if you ever listen to
this jane i’ll wait for you
you ain’t you haven’t waited for anybody
she ain’t waiting for nobody she’s happy
oh
no but no i i made a point way too many
times throughout the movie about how i
was just thirsty as [ __ ] for jane krakowski wow great swearing
you want me to you want me to mark these
down
for you to help you bleep ah
it was approximately three minutes and
45 seconds thanks guys
yeah it’s gonna be great editing that
later
you brought this fun yourself oh boy
whatever you’re talking about
i’m trying to make it like tasteful at
least with the editing the bleeps like
the the audience who hears this is gonna
hear some sort of fun animal noise
instead of
just like normal it should just be
yabadabadoo yeah
you know what maybe i will do that i’ll
do like i’ll pick something from the
movie we watched
and i’ll edit okay all right so that’s
right you guys will be here for all the
other ones
no i’ve already done dog noises that’s
what’s happening for the first one
sorry guys you get dog you get dog barks
no so if you’re listening at home
whenever i say
[ __ ] or [ __ ] you’re gonna hear
respectively
for the f word will be we’ll make that
fresh you’re doing all the work
i know we’re doing all this no not
throughout the whole podcast just long
enough to beat the algorithm god is also
what exposition is like in a movie
kind of hey i hear you’re the new police
chief
well you know because your father died
and everything and then your mother
moved into town
well you see we’re here to help you hey
the movie didn’t try to expo dump really
yeah no well that’s because the
difference is because it’s iconic
you know what is it yeah because
children eat blisters
but you’re eating fruity and viva rock
vegas iconic
they’re just the flintstones okay sure
well it doesn’t be cool though it’s
before like
it’s before the other more i still love
that though
you’re just you’re trying to tell me
that robert baratheon
uh you know pokemon evolves into
john goodman and stephen baldwin
somehow evolves and gets shorter and
becomes rick moranis
that’s a that’s an upgrade in my book
i’m going to be honest i don’t no
offense to to stephen
lester baldwin but i’ll always take rick
references brother better brother
right no offense to the inferior ball oh
let’s be honest both bob ones are
inferior to rick
rick moranis i’ll say it i mean who
isn’t
inferior who is it miranda what patrick
or patrick
patton oswald maybe maybe hello pat
knoxville patton patton versus miranda’s
who do you think
who are you taking a prom god oh you
know what i’m gonna do
here’s what’s gonna happen here’s what’s
gonna happen let me say so it’s gonna be
like a sitcom
they’re both gonna ask me i’m gonna say
yes to both then i’m gonna try
you know do the double date like at
night like keep them on separate sides
of the school gymnasium
and then they’ll both find out but i
think the difference is
oswalt would storm off because he has
good self-respect he he knows what he
wants
he doesn’t know but miranda’s uh he’ll
be a little
you know bummed but i’ll get him to come
around i’ll do the sincere apology and
say
for oswald it was more for the status
symbol and he’s gonna come around and
we’re gonna fall in love
except you’ll be trying to [ __ ] patton
though like right after that
conversation you’ll still be like
calling pat
we’re gonna make it to graduation then
we’ll see what happens okay okay
this is a beautiful high school scenario
the only thing with that is it depends
which miranda’s you’re getting because
you’re getting early career moranis i
completely agree with that sentiment i
feel like late career moranis like now
moranis has that respect to be like no i
said [ __ ] you to hollywood all right i
can tell anybody to [ __ ] off all right
i’ll take ghostbusters mirandas because
he’s not confident like honey i shrunk
the kids miranda’s no but he’s adorable
nonetheless
exactly can i get little shop of horrors
moranis because that man knows what he
wants and he’s willing to get it all
right
killing people regardless i am not up to
date on my rick moranis lore
you haven’t seen any of these have you i
mean i’ve seen ghostbusters right yeah
you have you seen little shop before
mm-hmm honey are shrunk the kids
yes but little shop of wars so i’m
actually i
i did the theater production of that one
you know what’s a little shop of horrors
right now
the entire bit about you something in
this movie that’s a little bit you guys
were so
mad at me loving jane krakowski
you know i’m kind of mad
we had to do it at some point and i
figured if we get that out of the way
sooner i don’t know
let’s start with the elephant in the
room his name is the great kazoo and how
every time those little species was on
screen
it was an awkward mixture of puppetry
and cgi to make me want to dig my eyes
out oh my god it was a little uncanny it
was a little uncanny valley
uncanny valley and then they reproduce
asexually
and you’re sitting there like why are
they here why did he even need to get
pleasure
like emotions aren’t a thing for their
species and then he cries at the end
wait wait wait wait
yeah i would say somehow he found a
motion in the [ __ ] storyline of fred
being a piece of [ __ ] and figuring out
he’s a piece of [ __ ] and that’s
that’s about all we get is orgasmic
pleasure and emotion
i’d say i’d say it or is there no the
feeling of regret with post not clarity
now that’s an emotion well i think both
remote right because like
like like gorillas for instance gorillas
aren’t you know
or get like they’re not feeling that the
same way they’re well i guess i guess
gorillas do feel emotion that’s not a
good one that’s too close animals feel
emotion
a little depending on some obviously
yeah you’re right some give me like a
squirrel
are you like orgasms
have you seen a turtle i didn’t say
turtles did i hey
we saw turtles i’ve seen i’ve seen a
turtle come we’ve talked about we’ve
seen turtles
at rats at this point
right i don’t think that raccoon’s
coming
i’ll naked come splinter splinter what
are you doing here get out of here this
ain’t your movie we still made it about
turtles
oh [ __ ] me dude i thought we were done
with the turret hey another swear we’re
never done with tournaments
the [ __ ] will be fred and the shits
will be barney for the first like
minute of the podcast there you go guys
there’s your treat for the week
it’s a pretty shitty treat what
i there’s just there were
like some fun moments and i do like how
they did even poke fun at themselves
their parts like they even look at the
damn camera and they’re like oh yeah
we [ __ ] know well the writing was
surprisingly tasteful
like a lot of it i mean yeah like like
they knew it was
a dumb comedy and they just played into
it to the point where it was
genuinely funny a lot of the the
one-winners i think for the most part
they knew exactly what they were doing
yeah they didn’t sugarcoat it at all
here’s here’s the one thing though i
like to imagine on like the last
day of like approving you know one of
the final drafts of the script someone
kicks down the door
we don’t have a main antagonist what we
don’t have a main antagonist
[ __ ] [ __ ] um okay just take kyle
mclaughlin’s
character from the first flintstones
movie copy and paste him
and put him in this movie and we’ll name
him chip
and he’ll be the new antagonist that’s
literally what it is i looked him up
part way through the movie like
you were holding up the shot for shot
comparison it’s just him
it’s just the same dude they’re like but
can you act more like
like mclaughlin and i gotta i gotta
imagine the actor was just thinking they
just wanted mcgonagall
like a lot of the actors were probably
thinking that right because so many of
them got recasted
what makes that so that they got
recasted because it is a prequel
i don’t think that makes sense to me i i
i see what argument you’re making but i
feel like the bigger argument was that
none of these a-listers
wanted to sign on for a second movie
you know like i feel like john goodman
rapped on the first movie and said i’m
never [ __ ] touching this
i’m never gonna yeah but dabba do this
again exactly
right and like same with rick moranis
and yes rosie o’donnell who played uh
wilma in the first one
no idea was she not as
i don’t think so wait a sec there’s some
magical thing
we didn’t get halle berry back that’s
for sure i’m okay with that either
already he’s halle berry i like tally
berry i’m just like yeah okay she ended
up she ended up being a real one she had
she actually was one of the more complex
characters
well man unless
oh who is elizabeth perkins
major doesn’t know who the [ __ ] people
are no that’s me all the time
that’s just me in general she was in
ghostbusters
the the new one she was in super six
what’s
sex go on click in this is this porn
this
no is this porn has nothing to do with
the move
wait porn what
that scene i’m reading this this seems
like
this seems like porn we’ll look this up
later well
i believe it if that girl went and did
porn i didn’t see i don’t i don’t is it
a show
because now i kind of want to add super
sex to oh my god
what that it’s rated g i’m disappointed
oh it’s rated g oh right we’re
never mind throw it out you heard it
here first super sex is a [ __ ] letdown
yeah all right what
are you oh elizabeth perkins that’s what
it was yeah elizabeth perkins
uh she got recasted for i don’t even
know who the actors
is see how i can now i can just point
and go like it’s from third rock from
the sun remember third rock from the sun
god i love third rock from the sun
i don’t remember me neither i haven’t
seen it it’s got a young joseph
gordon-levin and jonathan lithgow
christian johnston
i love i love you jason kirsten johnston
kirsten yeah kirsten kirsten yeah she’s
done more stuff
let’s see what did you know she was in
austin powers
she was apparently why do i feel like i
religiously know
the austin powered movies you know i
think it was just something that like
appealed to kids and you’re like yeah
austin powers
right like i feel like i’ve seen it’s so
funny and then you go back as an adult
and go oh
well i haven’t done see i haven’t oh
yeah she’s a gold member i watched
like two she’s a dancer which one is
three right here there were three which
one did you watch
oh the original see but i feel like the
gold member one is
is the best one in my opinion of the i
mean not that any of them are good by
any by any means but
i feel like the third one does because
he plays the most characters and that
mike myers plays like
nine characters in that movie
i know i just never want to see fat
bastard again he
he didn’t age well i imagine i don’t
know because i i don’t think i want to
but i just like seth green is the sun
in that one and the the they do like the
scene where it’s
you’re the father you’re not jerry
springer they do cherries
that is pretty good with dr evil that
was great that’s
that’s the only scene i remember and i
still love that scene i really want a
foot powered car now
after watching flintstones why would you
want did you see them having to like toe
heels
actually that’s a whole new meeting to
tote car here that’s a whole new meeting
to toe heel
no one will laugh oh dude i can’t even
make good
job i can’t you just you just like
outside yourself from the car community
good wait you don’t want to be in fast
and furious
oh my god dude i’d murder i’d take a
life i’d steal so many people
your job on set will be to polish vin
diesel’s head
make it really shiny i could see that
like mid shot mid shot
all right hold it boys he’s not shining
enough i sprint off the shiner
i’m here all right looks good i can see
my reflection all right i’m getting out
of the frame all right
cut the camera’s in his head i can see
the camera
you did too good you’re fired damn
it no no no better than the brain after
i do it on like the fourth one
they’re like all right we brought in
tyrese and the rock you think you can
take the responsibility of all three
i got it boys i’m whiteboarding
generously
[Laughter] and everyone is mean about it like vin
is super like yeah just do it just do
what you got to do already and tyrese is
like why am i
why my head shiny yet and the rock is
just the nicest man about it he knows
that i’m just trying to work
yeah i’m not touching the state of upset
i feel like statham would [ __ ] gut
punch me
no i’m sure state is a nice guy in her
life i feel like he would gut punch me
if i’m getting a punch from anyone in
the fast and furious franchise it’s
it’s statham statham’s beating me up
how did we get here cars gotta talk
about cars
you you ousted yourself from the car
community i do that all the time in
front of you and
uh jeff so i’m not worried about it um
see we got walking powered cars we got a
bunch of dinos that’s the interesting
thing they did
they didn’t use dinosaurs as vehicles
but they’re used as equipment and then
they’re everything
like carnival rides nobody thought
why don’t i ride that right why don’t i
make a chariot or something
no no they do ride it they ride the bc10
they’re basically in the stomach of the
dinosaur no they were on like yeah
and like a stone again making them
when they fly on planes they ride a
pterodactyl but like
it’s a very little tiny by the way
thank you for the accuracy check on
the flintstones of viva rock vegas
you’re welcome i pride myself on it so
we have this whole opening of like you
know here’s how the whole gang meets
each other
and they’re like hey major conflict and
then
literally we checked the halfway mark
they suddenly go
come to my place and yeah roxanna
like the whole movie is just supposed to
be about
how wilma is content with love over
wealth like that’s supposed to be what
the movie’s about
we finished we tie up that resolution 45
minutes into the film
yeah and then they’re like oh [ __ ] guys
they couldn’t really get half a movie
they could have just made this into two
tv specials and it would have been fine
did they even need i don’t know if you
don’t even need the second half of the
movie
that is true we didn’t know we need rock
vegas
the antagonist you can make the mom the
[ __ ] antagonist then you’re done
there i said it i don’t care about rock
vegas
vegas kind of sucks i feel like it was
just an excuse to have a dance number at
the end of the movie that’s all that
that was
i mean set design was lovely i i don’t
argue that whatever the set designer is
production design on the whole film it’s
great you know
i loved it except i want to meet the the
person who designed
wilma’s mom’s costumes because i feel
like she’s just wearing clothes
i don’t know some of that’s like some
beard i’m talking some of that’s like
some tim burton
the tim burton villain just comes in
with a spiderweb mask
yeah i was like i didn’t realize
coraline’s mom was in this [ __ ] i didn’t
like i don’t like
it and i feel bad for uh for women’s dad
like oh dimensional
yeah they they try to frame it as a joke
that he’s got dementia
and it’s just passing and and the cut
we talked about it i was like what 20
minutes into the film
there’s this set of of two shots and
it’s one of the only moments where the
the colonel is coherent mm-hmm and he’s
just talking so much like
i love you wilma no matter what you do
no matter who you are or like what you
do in life
just know that i love you next scene oh
you’re bald in a cup i can’t make it
work oh
i’m dumb in heaven oh i remember the war
that’s what i want to know
so he’s you know he’s a colonel and he
keeps talking about like because then
like he keeps like
he has his dementia episodes in the film
and he’s like oh you know like giving
orders to troops
i want to know what the bedrock war was
like i want to know this prehistoric
world right was he like murder like
[ __ ] war
uh like velociraptors or something
like i just want to see like the rifle
scene from what is it apocalypse now but
instead of a bunch of rocks
this is my this is my rock there are
many rocks like it
but this one is
can mine get can i get full metal jacket
but flintstones
what’s the d-day scene for the bedrock
war
oh my big problem is
[Music] it’s just like nailing people in the
head the 1917
scene of him just running as rocks are
flying and pterodactyls
like dive bombing and then one of the
pterodactyls gets shot down you see it’s
entered out and it looks the camera goes
you think your day is rough and then it
dies
oh my god just turned into john mullaney
for a second
[Laughter] this hannah barbera hellhole what is
this
just strapping bombs to little baby
pterodactyls and flying them into
it’s a living too
i didn’t want this on the job experience
[Laughter] damn it’s just goring people oh my god
and he’s just just like like guys like
the t-rex no
kill the t-rex well i’m just picturing
the [ __ ] colonel
just like like tom hanks and saving
private ryan just
shell-shocked on the beach looking
around seeing like
dinosaurs everywhere seeing a dude in
like a loincloth with his
knees in his chest
that’s why nobody cares about the
dinosaurs dying
yeah that’s that whole weird plot like
okay
that’s the other one that i really want
some sort of spin-off
like explanation story i want to know
this other character’s story who [ __ ] who’s poisoning the water supply yeah
everyone is confessing to their sins
and he just comes out and goes i’ve been
slowly poisoning the dinosaur water
supply and in decades i will have
made them all extinct right and
everyone’s just like i
[ __ ] dumb [ __ ] you you [ __ ] [ __ ] dinosaurs at the end of the movie he
stands up and says seriously if no one
stops me
i will do this as a plea for help and
everyone just says no
he just knows he’s a terrible person so
like there’s one person who’s stealing
towels and they’re like
oh no that’s illegal there’s one person
who’s wearing somebody else’s underwear
like that never happens
right we’ve all done it i don’t think
i’ve ever worn somebody else’s underwear
whose underwear have you been oh my god
i still have a weird pair of underwear
anyway
no it was called my exes on accident
you wore your exes
does she wear panties like are you
wearing her nose
pants we’re not going or did you wear
normal i’m trying to understand this
isn’t anything on her
i have to understand how you mix it up
no no hold on let me explain underwear
no no no no no
it was sports underwear we both had a
pair of black
briefs one day like rushing out of bed
put those on i’m like oh yeah oh yeah
but no i wasn’t trying to get you to
divulge somebody else’s good because
that was
yeah that was what i wanted to
understand is how you could possibly
mix up panties for underwear you know
what i mean like
that’s a weird it’s dark how do you [ __ ] that it was when we go to work outside
i never turned the light on when i was
going to work at 4am
we’ve discussed this
why though i guess would be the question
because the sunlight
the sunlight leads to my impending doom
of having to go to work and so
i don’t have to see the sunlight until
i’m already at work
it’s great or any light for that matter
all right damn i want to be blind ah no
don’t do that someone’s gonna
that’ll come back to bite you in the ass
and all i’ll say is you karma [ __ ] you
can’t see [ __ ] now
and then you’ll try to start a fight
with me and you’ll just run into a dope
remember
that [ __ ] no i’m gonna be daredevil i’m
gonna kick your ass and i don’t even
look at you no if you get if you go
blind i will replace all of my helen
keller jokes with these are now barrett
jokes
wow all five all five of your helen
keller jokes so i could go home
i could go the whole time like hey you
guys here we finally got a barrett
action figure you pull the string and it
bumps into the furniture
it’s pretty good it’s pretty solid
i got more so is chip named chipped
because he has a chip on his shoulder
because he runs a casino we didn’t know
he ran the casino until halfway through
the movie halfway through the movie so i
think just well his last name is also
rockefeller so i think it’s just he’s a
chip off the old block
you’re lucky dude that you’re like four
feet away from me i was slapping you
he’s touching me
[Laughter] also there were so many homoerotic
moments between fred and barney oh man
so like you wanna [ __ ] so hard yeah so
like barney had like a hammock over
fred’s bed and they live together and he
falls off it and he’s just right there
we’re talking pelvis to cheeks you know
the chicks and that alien is like hey
i’m here to see your mates you guys
gonna [ __ ] get to it and fred’s like what are you
talking about but barney barney barney
was new
barney’s face is like uh-huh yeah i’m
waiting i’m ready you know then later
when like friends like you know like
they’re driving they wrote the tuxedos
and they’re driving to wilma’s party and
he’s like look i got a
you know ring box and barney goes fred
you shouldn’t have and frank goes it’s
not for you and then he
looks so bummed genuinely unhappy with
that one
i want i want um you know we gotta get
we gotta find if we gotta get the money
we gotta kickstart it and we gotta
rebuild the set
of the fled stones movies which and then
we’re going to basically start
in sets i know exactly and we’re going
to steal the plot
of brokeback mountain but instead it’s
fred and barney
and just imagine that if we just call it
a reboot then we’re not stealing reboot
you’re right yeah
it’s just them like you know like
they’re holding each other on top of
brontosaurus
i wish i could quit you barn
[Laughter] so now we have a whole series of
flintstone movies that we have to make
we have to make saving private ryan
about the war in the colonel
that broke back mountain about we’re
making it like the cinematic universe
i really as long as i get the fcu
cinematic universe i want to direct the
really hardcore like
very just serious documentary about that
guy poisoning the dinosaur’s water
supply
eight years ago it was like a day and
it’s even him he’s like we have him
in-house
to talk about it i told everybody from
the get-go i was doing this
and nobody stopped me i was laughed at
actually laughed at i tell you
where are your dinosaurs now fossil
[Laughter] fuels
he’s just in a jumpsuit he’s on death
row now for killing all the dinosaurs
but no
no there’s no electrocution device
because the electrocution
dinosaur
[Laughter] well no then they just get a bird they
stole birds they do celebrate kabukazee
bird oh my god the bomber
pecks eyes out does that mean that every
single dog
died well the dogs were also dinosaurs
also the baby looks like a like a baby
brachiosaurus doesn’t he
yeah yeah does he always look that was
no he never gets bigger than like
leave like dog size yeah you just be
like a big dog that’s better like a
great dane yeah yeah i know that i
watched
i watched the show as a as a child
yeah i was gonna say it kind of sucks
back as a kid kind of sucked yeah
it’s just like what like what problems
do i as a child
in the year of 2003 watching that have
of just like well bonnie i got another
argument with wilma now to go
bowling and join a secret society and
i’m like this is so relatable
you know i’m seven of a secret society i
was like seven years old like man
i vibe with this fred flintstone i get
it i hate my wife too
you talk about the toxicity of that for
a [ __ ] minute cause like
it was teaching kids that it’s okay to
just be the shittiest husband possible
as long as by the end of the day you
apologize and pretend that you learned
something
yeah it’s called all of the simpsons
yeah it’s true
i mean the simpsons it’s just a weird
thing see but the simpsons was an adult
and they still loved each other versus
fred and woman they slept in separate
beds they [ __ ] hated each other right
but the difference here is
simpsons right adult show
[ __ ] six-year-olds were watching the
flintstones you know
and the jetsons were the same way it was
like the exact same thing i think they
liked each other at least a little more
i thought like
but it was the same formula of i do
terrible thing
wife mad cry pretend to have
self-discovery
why forgive rinse wash repeat right like
that’s basically what the fortunate
repeat oh you want to know the best wash
using an elephant as your washing
machine and repeat if i can talk about
because technically we’re watching a
hanna-barbera property if i could talk
about one of the best episodes it was
still airing
on boomerang and i should say best in
the sense oh my god
how could you do this um moment on uh
jetsons there’s
no
yeah i don’t know i don’t know i’m
looking at our producer right now and
he’s telling us we can’t talk about it
you’re just looking at a mirror
yeah look at it i’m looking in this
mirror right now and the producer i’m
looking back at is like i don’t know i
don’t know if this is one we want to
even talk about i’m just kidding please
come on
you’re looking to be like is he serious
no no you should be like uh fozzie bear
from muppets treasure island
mr bimble he lives in my finger
that’s you but that’s our producer he
lives in your finger um
wow that’s weird on date night get me
out of here
oh i shouldn’t have clapped i’ll lower
the volume and post it but um
so the fl so in the jetsons there was an
episode they still aired it like the
last time i saw it it was like in um
in i think i want to say like 2012
on boomerang and the episode of his w
of uh george’s wife judy uh no that’s
his daughter
i don’t remember his daughter that’s not
let’s not perpetuate the incest
basically his uh wife um jane
it was so i’m literally going through
like the theme song in my head like jane
his wife yeah yeah so no she wants to
learn to drive
and it’s an entire episode against women
drivers
okay and then you watch one of the
spaceships crash and you have the
main like you have like the teaching
instructor you sit there and he goes oh
no
not women drivers and i’m watching this
as a teenager like yo this is [ __ ] how can you air this boomerang i think
we can collectively got it in its name
it’s all coming back to you especially
the bad parts
right neither show aged well but clearly
there’s some profit to be made on just
the nostalgic triple
excuse me and on that vitamin fortune
i’m sorry
flintstones the face of vitamins
everything the face of kids vitamins i
don’t know
never mind i’m gonna dull and i want
them i want some i just wanted to get
the young footstool
what i want to know is did you get the
chalky ones or did you get the gummies i
couldn’t afford the gummies
yeah we always got the chalky ones i got
the gummies once
only the one time and then the rest were
chalkies and it was the work
that sounds like the rest of the
chalkies that sounds really [ __ ] but uh like really [ __ ] up but you
know what hey yo you got some chalkies
i want you to hurts to like get the the
really good ones and then have to
go to the bad ones and only have to deal
with the bad ones from that point
i mean that’s how i felt of moving from
flintstones vitamins in elementary
school and middle school my parents are
like
hey you can have men’s vitamins now
swallow this awful tasting pill
don’t want to touch your tongue now dude
i love my dad to death but you know what
he tried to put me on at one point when
i was like still doing
this fish oil you tried to put me on
fishing this shit’s nasty dude
with all of it really you like this like
fish oil pills you like that [ __ ] there’s no
there’s no taste you just swallowed no
it smelled bad to me and it tasted bad
to me really
yeah you’re having different oil pills
you’re weird i didn’t like it
i mean we all knew that nothing to do
with the fish
it never does anyway you say
you won some femboy penis one time and
suddenly you’re a
weirdo one time
my [ __ ] more like the entire running
gag of my college career
just kind of your life at this point
because honestly in my life at this
point
i don’t know if i i’m sorry isn’t our
life just a running gag at this point
yeah yeah but i can live with that i
don’t think barrett’s sexuality is a
running gag
i laugh at it sometimes but it’s not a
running gag
he was like cry laughing when i said
that i’m sorry
you know i love you i was like crying
no just like like when you closed your
eyes i thought that was like a sad laugh
and i was like oh i didn’t mean to i’m
just poking fun
i’m trying to poke fun but nobody
replies on tinder
okay can we talk about the pearls all
the pearls that look like anal
beads yeah but wilma’s iconic pearls
and her dad’s if those aren’t going up
somebody’s ass i’m they’re just a waste
of the space that’s not how chip
casually puts them
in fred’s pocket to accuse him you know
of theft
yeah how dense do you gotta be to not
like feel these like [ __ ] like inch and a half diameter says
when he gets excited that’s about how
dense yeah but i don’t know if that’s
dense enough he’s not a neanderthal i
mean
like i literally isn’t a neanderthal
come on because there are neanderthals
in this movie
yeah the alien kills one well he kills
one and then
they’re at the carnival and they’re
doing like the ring toss they’re giant
ass rings and you’re trying to get it on
the neanderthal
it’s like just like mentally disabled
people work in the circus
but i don’t know the i i will admit the
rock vegas
parts were more entertaining it’s true
for the most part the carnival stuff
i hated like i didn’t hate it i just
didn’t you didn’t like cinema’s most
sensual teach you to bowl
scene where they pinky toe together
that’s euthanism for sex and he like
just holds her from behind like let me
teach you in a bowl
see they got you know imagine i’m gonna
tell you i’m gonna touch you
you’re gonna touch my boobs and all
right sorry
um you can touch my bowling ball and
knock over my pins whenever you want
well see like they got a euphemism what
are you doing i don’t know
i don’t know barney just got laid that
night that’s why
because he was like oh thanks thanks
fred for letting me borrow the car and
go hang out with betty she said she
wants to take me home and make me
breakfast tomorrow
i don’t know what we’re gonna do until
then
i’m just like barney you’re [ __ ] you
beautiful beautiful man you you go get
laid you deserved it you earned it
jealous as i am of you getting to be
with jay
you just need to calm down there son you
need that uh hot and heavy all the whole
movie
do dude maybe man cold water please i
gotta get this thing down
oh can we talk about the animal the face
you made when i
said that can we talk about the animals
as servants
thing well yeah they’re appliances
they’re animals yeah but the fact
and like the i mean it doesn’t matter
that they’re sensitive they’re animals
[ __ ] the person
the the what no it’s actually crazy no
no you’re making me realize
they are sentient i’m like 100 sentient
almost all of them are sentient life
forms yeah
like the the the remote i don’t know
what
dinosaur it’s like a bird he’s a little
birdie bird yeah yeah but he’s
completely sentient and he’s like you’ve
kept me in this box now i’m gonna rat
you out to your oh no and then they have
that really awkward moment where they
give him like
about like the produce given let’s give
him a hood voice
yeah isn’t that cool let’s jive with the
gangsters gang he’s like
brother needs a job brother needs a nest
egg you know what i mean
and we’re just sitting there like get
back in the remote yeah like you
well and then then there’s the octopus
there’s the octopus who finds out what
calamari is and that’s just like
yeah no it’s it it’s totally [ __ ] that
they’re all sent to him
because they know that they’re just
destined to be a household appliance and
diet a vacuum
like yeah like i can’t imagine
i wonder if that’s how they know when
it’s time to replace them
as an appliance when they start having
an existential crisis
actually you do watch that in the first
uh flintstones movie
it’s more of a the garbage disposal is
broken
it’s like this little pig that lives
under their sink and then john goodman
drags out the old one because it won’t
do the job probably so he literally
drags out it’s squealing
doesn’t want to die and then they
replace it with a new
one yeah didn’t they like cook it and
eat it that night i think they did
oh my god yeah they cooked the ham
because well they turned it into the ham
and they ate stones is a
violent stone ages it’s the circle of
life
we’re gonna make you got a sense of that
idea
it was like a second or two seconds that
was no way there’s no way
disney would still throw hands over
anything let’s just disney throw them
hands if you can if you can
figure that out good luck if you find us
and try to copyright that is true
uh give us the job please that’s the
beauty of being pleased i can sing
i swear to god you really want to go on
a singing career
not in the slightest no actually because
then i’ll get hooked on drugs and i
don’t want that and then it won’t even
be
i think you want that it won’t even be
like well
see you’re alright some i’d like to try
for sure like psychedelics yeah all day
long
but i don’t know the heroine and the
cocaine stuff and it wouldn’t even be
like music
related right like i’d get famous and
then one person would just like randomly
go
hey famous guy you want to try heroin
sure why not
i was just like barrett and i are over
there on the corner going there he goes
no no i want like a whole montage seemed
like they seemed like all like you know
um uh
like 80s rock biopics you know you lose
your mind like you’re doing like you
know you go on that binge in the hotels
you clicked into rehab and it’s just us
on a couch like he literally just
recorded a single christmas song a week
ago
that was his entire career and now he’s
in the rehab
center outside and it’s the scene from
rocket man
well i can picture you guys both like
watching this happen and like other
people are going why aren’t you trying
to stop him aren’t you his friend he
told us this was going to happen we’re
just
we knew about it that’s what it is hold
on for the ride you know
that’s not heroin that’s adrenaline
let’s see let’s get right into coattails
at this point
we paid a guy to tell him it’s heroin
it’s not heroin it’s
maple syrup that’s actually worse for
you actually i’m just oding on maple
syrup
you’re gonna [ __ ] vermont you’re
gonna try to suck out all the trees
that’s gonna be part of the doctor
that’s the part of the documentary when
they’re
they’re interviewing one of you two the
state of vermont actually filed a suit
for their lack of maple uh syrup across
the entire land in canada the economy
was destroyed for like six years
another thing you’re like man do you
have any i i’m over i’m off the stuff
but do you want me
you got any sweet tax you gotta i just
want some pancakes but what comes with
pancakes no man i just want the pancakes
i don’t know well the pancakes are right
that’s a lie i know pancakes walks dry
pancakes waffles crepes
hell i’ll put some syrup on a flintstone
vitamin why don’t we take you to a nice
dinner restaurant get your hands off me
put your hands off me breakfast for
every
meal local man band from vermont and
canada
that’s the plotline of the sabrina the
teenage witch episode really
she’s addicted no she’s addicted to
pancakes
and like are we all no no but she’s like
addicted like like drug wise like has
like hallucinations
about pancakes and you don’t that’s just
being
that’s just being a fat person and then
they sit well again my point still
stands
are you not wrong with it but that’s
just being a fat person that’s what if
you have
daydreams about food you are like that’s
just a fat thought that’s all that is
i’m pretty sure you’ve come out of your
room and going i was thinking about taco
bell oh i have fat thoughts all the time
i’m not
i the reason i feel like comfortable
saying it is because i have fat thoughts
and check it out your fat thoughts have
become a fat reality
hey what a [ __ ] look in the mirror my
boy how about that
i refuse oh
dude i stepped on the scale yesterday
and i was not happy with that number i
saw my guy
i’ve never been 215 pounds in my life
i’m
so the flintstones in viva rock vegas
what else is there to talk about
i guess at the end of the day i feel
like i’ve i mean i guess i’ve said my
piece i had a fun time
it’s an i uh it was fun to rip apart
i’m trying to rip
and he’s literally just like i don’t
know the song well enough oh yeah
because these are the stones
i’ll sing and you mime it out here we go
ready it’s not gonna happen five six
seven this is for my thing because i
didn’t see chip this is just for me oh
no he’s literally just like
flintstones well he did just find out
his
plan was foiled so he owed money to
mobsters and they said they’re gonna
break his legs
well that’s what i wonder did he get
like well to go off that
do they wonder if they like lobotomize
them well no and that’s what that is
now we get and they had to use like a
bird to do
it like a corkscrew hey let me see
what’s on your mind
no no please please i was gonna say now
we got
now we get the sequel to this movie
which is chip’s redemption
where he has to go on this long journey
avoiding the mafia
and at the end he comes home to wilma
and fl fred and i was like
i miss you guys i’m so sorry and his leg
just gets torn off no see what i think
it should be is actually he goes into a
bedrock witness protection program
this is tim trying to hide from the
mafia just jim like they were just like
it’s like
cool we’re gonna make you a new stone
face you have to wear at all times
you’re not rockefeller anymore you’re
rock well all right buddy get it through
your dog rock
sam rockwell sam rockwell why isn’t sam
rockwell in any of the
if we if if they ever do another
flintstones live-action film if sam
rockwell isn’t in it i will what about
what about dwayne the rock johnson we
need dwayne the rock johnson
we need sam rocking epic wayne the rock
johnson
plays fred and sam rockwell plays barney
that’s what we need in our lives all
right
i would watch that i would i would pay
good money to watch that right now
there’s a lot of trailers that we see
where we go that’ll be great when it’s
on streaming services i’m not paying for
that
that’s it right you just describe that i
will pay for a ticket to see dwayne the
rock johnson as fred flint’s style
i’m already ready to pay for a ticket
for what is it fast nine
yeah that’s ten i thought aren’t they on
ten no no it’s fast
it’s fast not no it’s no it’s fate of
the furious hobbs and shaw
f9 is what we’re all yeah so we’re on
like the the tenth movie though
in the franchise it’s just that shaw is
its own thing yeah okay thank you
i just needed the clarification is that
right
ethan’s ethan i don’t know right now no
i’m not
let’s go down the list we got one we got
two fast two furious we got tokyo drift
we got fast and furious again
uh fast five the fourth one is just
fast and then fast five fast six fast
seven
fade to the furious hobbs and
championship f9
that’s nine i swear there’s one between
no you you and i want i want fast and
furious bedrock i just want to see vin
diesel run
can i get a sketch that’s fast and
furious which is the flintstone what
does paul walker crash into in this
universe
a rock obviously obviously
the other one i know they gotta make it
like clearly this franchise takes very
serious things like dementia and makes
it a joke so like they gotta crash into
uh
into a brachiosaurus and his head goes
like up the ass of the dinosaur that’s a
joke
i feel like if anything just like you
know it’s like a dinosaur the dinosaur
topples over
like it’s a joke like it’s a [ __ ] oh
he’s stuck under the dinosaur funny joke
hard cut to the funeral
and everyone’s just depressed it’s the
scene
[Music] where they’re like on the desert road
and it’s the really bad
cgi paul but then the difference is
[Laughter] movies could change if you just added
the foot sound effect
every time every time
you owe me a 10 meter car you owe me
here
you want me a 10 000 bc car doo doo
race war that’s actually uh sorry i’m
that’s actually
fast and furious i promise no i get it
barrett’s just he’s been reading some
weird some weird alt-right stuff lately
i’m sorry about that guys
so easy it’s all over the place yeah uh
so if he yells race ward
just no it’s what you think it is it’s
just he’s he’s better now
i don’t i do love that guy that that
plotline in the fast and the furious
where they come to dom and they’ve been
going you coming to race war and i’m
like oh buddy what a different time
that reminds me the shirt that we bought
for one of our friends when we were kind
of
[ __ ] we were at the california
california california color wars yeah
he found an orange shirt and a thrift
shop in colorado and it just said
california color war on it like they did
not
think this through and we immediately
bought it
gave it to our friend give it to our
white friend and he loved it
of the irony of course our friend is one
of the most forward-thinking dudes we
know
all right so at the end of the day do
you recommend
if you’re if you’re looking for
something to tear apart and just like
honestly not give a [ __ ] about yeah well
i’ll you i’ll let you i mean that’s kind
of the end like
well for me and i can’t stress this
enough a lot of the writing is genuinely
funny
a lot of the jokes that they wrote in i
genuinely enjoyed so i would
actually even and this is hot take more
than the more than the
like original flintstones movie i
actually recommend this movie because
it’s
dumb it’s like stupid stupid
with some actually well written jokes
and i i i had fun through it through
it it’s ridiculous and it rather it
should it shouldn’t be
anywhere near the length that it is it
has the audacity to be two different
45-minute specials with no remorse
but that’s kind of part of the charm of
it like it’s stupid and and that’s what
makes it enjoyable
i highly recommend it yeah like i think
at first like when i saw oh i’ll be
honest i don’t remember much
but when i saw hbo max i’m like i bet
this is a dumpster fire and i was
pleasantly surprised
that it wasn’t a total [ __ ] show
but there was enough for me to actually
like you know poke and make fun of and
just actually laugh at and go that’s
just dumb and i love it it was a
dumpster fire
it was just like it’s a weird analogy
it’s a dumpster fire you’re
you know you actually like like imagine
it’s a bleak winter night
in the snow and that dumpster fire is
keeping you warm like that’s kind of
what it is
it’s actually like i’m okay being around
this see i’m seeing it more as if i was
just walking down the street one night
and i just see you know like in a safe
distance
ever just stand around like yo check out
this dumpster on fire and i’m like
nice i feel like that’s it just like huh
that’s pretty cool
have you ever seen something on fire
that shouldn’t be like yeah me too
it’s a weird feeling to see some like to
just like have that
split second oh shit’s really bad right
now where i’m at i need to get out of
here
on that note thank you for joining us
and
next week we’re going to watch something
else not teenage mutant ninja turtle
related
we’ll try not to bring that to bring up
any turtle stuff but no promises no
promises at all because we got to keep
that
feud with uh with ninja mike so with
ninja turtles tmnt
mike yeah so [ __ ] you ninja turtle mike
uh we’re gonna keep bringing up some
committed to this bit i
am committed to [ __ ] over ninja
turtle mike
but anyway thanks for joining us uh
hopefully we’ll see you guys next week
and we have no idea what we’re reviewing
so we’ll let you hope you had a
rock-tastic
time that was disgusting hey you know
they make a lot of sloppy puns in this
movie they can do it
so can i you can just strap a rock to
any word
and just make it a flintstones pun
rock hard is still all i can think of
i’m sorry
see you guys next time i have to turn
off my rocktop now
gross

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