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Mary Ann Mobley LOL

The gravy on the lens!

howdy yaaal LOL

Perpenfuhrer Theater Classics Presents Yet Another Classic of High Art. Tonight's Story is Entitled: LET'S SEE WHO GETS FUCKED! Und Now, For Those Courageous YouTubers Escaping ADD, Part 1 of Tonight's Stupendous Presentation:

At Midday During der Port of Los Angeles Fiesta, a Large Cargo Box from der Middle East was Lowered By a Crane und Came Down Upon der Dock Deck with a Loud Thud, Cracking a Couple of Boards Near der Bottom.

"Watch It, Asshole, Don't Lower so Fast!" A Dockman Yelled Up to der Crane Operator.

Der Twelve O'clock Whistle Blew, und Der Spanish Dockworkers Quickly Unhooked der Cable und Forgot about der Crate. Their Shift was Over und They Were All Verrry Eager to Join der Fiesta Celebrations. They Gathered Their Tools und Left der Broken Box for der Next Crew.

When All was Quiet, a Loud Tapping Started Up from Within der Crate. Der Cracked Boards Near der Bottom Gave Way First und Then Several More were Smashed Out. A Brown Hand Reached Out, Grabbed der Side, und Out Slid a Skinny, Young, Middle Eastern Man with a Hawk Nose. It was Ayman Ayman, a YouTube Efilist und Fanatical Follower of Inmendham. He Cautiously Looked Around und Saw that der Dock Area was Empty. He Slung a Heavy Duffel Bag Onto His Back und Limped Out Through an Open Gate. When He Made It to der Streets, He Giggled Hysterically to Himself, for He Had Finally Done It–He was Now in Sunny California, und was Far Away from der Tyrannical Clutches of Islam. ISIS Had Been Hot on His Tail for Months Because of His Verrry Vocal Atheism und Affiliation with Inmendhamian Efilism, und It Would Have Been Only a Matter of Time Before He Would Become Their Next Victim in an ISIS Execution Video.

Ayman Checked der American Currency in His Wallet, Removed a Piece of Paper with an Address on It, und Hailed a Yellow Cab, Telling der Cabby to Take him to der Little Arabia Hotel in Downtown Los Angeles. After a Month of Living with his Contact in der Hotel Basement, He Picked up a Job as Washroom Attendant at a High Class French Restaurant. Der Money was Finally Rolling In und He Took up Residence at a Cheap Rooming House und was Back Online with der YouTube Efilists und Watching Porn Videos of Guys With Cunts.

One Rainy Morning Before His Shift was to Begin, He Received a Special Notice on His Youtube Channel Claiming that He was Chosen to Appear on America's Number One Dating Game called "LET'S SEE WHO GETS FUCKED!" Ayman was Promised $30,000 Just for Appearing on der Show, Along with der Opportunity of Winning More Cash Prizes, und He Was Delighted to Know that All of His Travel und Hotel Expenses would be Paid for by der Show. Der Theme for His Segment of der Show was YouTube Efilism/Pollyannaism, und He und Three Other Male YouTubers from der Efilist/Pollyanna Community would Be Competing for a Grand Prize of $400,000 und A Lot of Fucking with der Mystery Lady on a Free Five Day Trip to Hawaii with an Additional Prize of $50,000 Spending Money for Each.

Well, Being a Crafty Middle Eastern Man Who had Outwitted der Powers of ISIS, Ayman was, of Course, Suspicious of der Dating Game Offer, But After Following der Instructions Laid Out for Official Contact und Confirmation, He Soon Found Himself Sitting in der Back of a Black Limo, Whisking Him Off to LAX Airport Where a Private Jet was Waiting to Fly Him to der Studios of LET'S SEE WHO GETS FUCKED in Las Vegas, Nevada. America, What a Fucking Country! Ayman Thought, as He Poured a Second Glass of Champagne from der Limo Bar.

A Day Later, He Found Himself Standing in a Backstage Doorway at der L.S.W.G.F. Studios in Las Vegas. A Badge on His Chest Said, "Male Contestant #4." He Could Hear a Large Audience Cheering on der Other Male Contestants Being Introduced Before Hearing His Name Announced Last. A Hand Pushed Him Out onto der Stage und He was Shocked to See His Empty Chair Positioned at der End of Three Seated YouTubers in der Flesh Whom He Knew all Too Well. Ayman Walked Over, Waved at der Audience, und With a Pounding Heart, Sat to der Left of der Great Inmendham Who Had der Look of a Pissed Off, Disheveled Ted Kaczynski. To der Right of Inmendham Sat QNTKKA, an Amiable, Stocky Man With a Big, Fat Cigar in His Mouth. Und At der Far Right, Sat a Most Intense Perpenfuhrer Erich Brown in Full Neo-efil Uniform, with His German Attack Kitty on a Leash. Ayman Could See that der Seating Arrangement Was Wise in Keeping Inmendham und Perpenfuhrer Brown Separated, for They were Profound Enemies on a Whole New Level. When He Attempted to Introduce Himself to His Great Efilist Sage und Master, a Spotlight with Verrry Loud Music Grabbed Everyone's Attention und Lit Up an Elevated Platform und Dark Curtain, Revealing der Silhouette of a Shapely Female Sitting Behind It. Ayman Leaned a Little Closer und Could See that She Was Drinking from a Large Bottle. Who the Fuck is That? He Thought to Himself.

Suddenly, Ayman und der Other Male Contestants Jerked Their Heads to der Right as a Handsome Man with Slicked Blond Hair, Wearing a Plaid Suit und Silk Scarf, Jogged Out onto der Stage to another Blast of Deafening Music und Applause. He Soon Waved His Hand for Quiet und Said, "Welcome Everybody to LET'S SEE WHO GETS FUCKED, the World's Number One Dating Game ! I'm Michael Bohl and Our First Group of Contestants…and, of Course, Their Gorgeous Mystery Lady, Are All from YouTube's Dark Battleground of Efilism vs Pollyannaism. As You Know, Our Gorgeous Mystery Lady Does Not Know Who Our Male Contestants Are, and She will Be Asking Each Male Contestant One Question. No Names Can be Given. Also, Their Voices Have Been Slightly Distorted by Our SXD Microphones. Each Time She Guesses the Name of a Male Contestant, She Wins $100,000! At the End of the Question Period, She Then Gets to Pick Which One of Our Male Contestants Gets FUCKED, And That Lucky, Chosen Male Contestant Automatically Wins $400,000! And there Are More Cash Prizes for Both of Them! Ha ha! Okay, My Lovely Mystery Lady, Go Ahead and Ask Contestant #1 a Question."

Perpenfuhrer Brown Coughed und Braced Himself for der Question. He Needed More Money for der American Neo-efil People's Party, Such as an Expensive Hemorrhoid Operation, Bills Owed to Pinky's Kitty Spa, a New A.N.P.P. Station Wagon, und, of Course, Another Female to Impregnate So as to Increase der Numbers of His Great Neo-efil Organization. His 27 Pound Kitty, Perpen, However, Forgot about That und Began Hissing at QNTKKA, Swinging His Puddy Paw und Straining against der Kitty Leash. QNTKKA, Resembling Telly Savalas in Sunglasses, Smiled und Blew Three Rapid-Fire Smoke Rings into Perpen's Kitty Face. Perpen Growled und Sneezed und Quickly Retreated Behind Brown's Feet.

(To Be Continued)

Und Now, Perpenfuhrer Theater Classics will Wrap up der Timeless Classic, LET'S SEE WHO GETS FUCKED, With Part 3:

Upon Their Arrival in Honolulu, Hawaii der Next Day, They Discovered That They were Nicht Out of der Game Yet. Before They Could Collect Their Respective Grand Prizes of $300,000 und $400,000, They Had to Immediately Pay a Visit to Room 1408 at der Coconut Waikiki Hotel in Order to Pass der Final Test of LET'S SEE WHO GETS FUCKED. Der Room Contained an Official L.S.W.G.F. Fuck-Detection Bed Equipped with Cameras, Motion Detectors, Body Heat Detectors, Heart Rate Detectors, Breathing Detectors, Penis und Vagina und Asshole Detectors, Ejaculation Detectors, und Lights und Speakers. On der Wall in Front of der Bed was a Clock with a 20 Minute Countdown. If der Bed Detected der Completion of der Fuck Process Before der Time was Up, Sirens und Lights would Indicate Victory und Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars for Each Contestant.

There was Nein Time for a Romantic Walk Together on der Beach; Nicht Even Time to Individually Prepare in Private, Separate Rooms. An L.S.W.G.F. Official Drove Them to der Hotel, Ushered Them into a Elevator und Up to Room 1408. They were Practically Pushed into der Room und der Door was Locked Behind Them. They Looked Up to See that Der Countdown Clock on der Wall Had Commenced with Working It's Way Down to 00:00.

Gratex Said, "Fook It!" und Hurried into der Bathroom with Her ALDO Women's Overnight Handbag. Ayman Stripped Down to his Shorts und Started Workin' on His Soft, Tiny Penis with His Bathmate Airpump XL5 Model. Der Bathroom Door Opened und Gratex, Dressed in a Veiled Hijab, a Vinyl Cupless Corset with Gold Pasties on Her Tits, und a Laced G-String, Walked Over to der Bed und Fell Back Onto der Red Silk Bedspread with Her Legs Spread.

"Drop the Fookin' Toy an' Tongue Ma Fart-Box, Ya Sexy Brown String Bean!" Gratex Said to Ayman.

Ayman Had Achieved His 3 1/2" Hardon but the Rubber Cuff on the Airpump Wouldn't Let Go of His Dick.

"Jesus Christ, there's 15 Minutes Left on the Fookin' Clock! Am Ah Gettin' Ma Hole, Laddie? Get that Whalluper of Yers Ov'r 'ere an' Let's Fookin' Get On with It, Ya Dozy Cunt! An' Ya Don't Need to Worry about Wearin' a Condom. I'm Infertile."

"I'm Sorry, Miss," Said Ayman, "But…But…I'm Pulling Hard! It's Stuck!…ARRGH! GRRR…OUCH! OH, There, I got It Off. Okay, Let's Start Fucking and Get Our Grand Prizes."

Gratex Pulled der Front of Her G-String to der Side, Revealing a Lovely, Tiny, Pink Vagina. Ayman Got Excited, though in His Mind, There Seemed to Be Something Missing from It. He Mounted Gratex und Pressed His Cock into der Pink Hole.

"ARRGGH! Yer Hurtin' Me, Ya Fookin' Fuddy Cockwomble! I Thinks Yer Too Big for Me Love Hole…an There's No Jobbie Jabberin' Going On Here, Laddie, So Go Over to My Handbag an' Get Out the Vaseline an' Put it On!"

Ayman Got der Handbag, Pulled Out der Vaseline und Rubbed It On. He Returned to der Missionary Position und Poked It In Quite Easily.

"Aye, Laddie. Now Start Pumpin' Hard an' Fast–There's 8 Minutes Left on the Clock!" Gratex Said.

Ayman Started Fucking Nice und Hard. Der Minutes Began Ticking By Quickly. He Thought about der Money to Come…About Quitting His Crappy Job…About a Nice Apartment…un-Und INMENDHAM. A Darkness Suddenly Came Over Him und He Felt Inmendham Coming Out through Him. HE STOPPED FUCKING. Gratex Looked Up at Him.

"What the Fook Are Ya Doin', Ya Fookin' Lavvy-heided Cocksplat! There's 3 Minutes Left on the Clock! Get Goin', Laddie!"

"I…I Can't Go On," Ayman Said to Gratex. "This Game Show is a Sham! Life is a Fucking Sham! We're Tools of Nature. Don't You See It? We're Two Flies Fucking. Life is Meaningless and Unnecessary. All We Do is Consume and Shit and Pass It On! I QUIT This Game!"

WHACK!!! Ayman's Head was Snapped to der Side by an Open Palm Strike. He Felt Dazed und Was Quickly Flipped Over on His Back. Gratex Straddled Him und Stuck His Slippery Cock Back Inside of Her Pink Cunt. She Tapped Ayman's Face until He Fully Came To.

"Now You Listen to Me, Ya Daft Fookin' Walloper! I Am Not going to Lose $300,00 Because of a Witless Fookin' Twonk-Efilist like You!"

Gratex then Whipped Off a Remy Monofilament Wig und Tossed it Across der Room.

"Ya See? I'm a LADDIE Originally. I Had a Recent Sex Change Operation that Cost Lots of Fookin' Money, So I Have Some Bills to Pay And Another Operation Coming Up to Complete Ma Fud that You Got Your Whalluper Into, Ya Fookin' Numpty! Now, There's Just 90 Seconds Left on that Clock An' If You Don't Fookin' Pop Yer Cork, I'm Gonna Give You Pain an' Suffering Like You Fookin' Efilists Never Imagined!"

Ayman Forgot Inmendham and Focused Back on His Money Dreams. Gratex Humped Like a Barn Horse on Crack Cocaine. Der Pussy Farts were Spectacular.

"It's 40 Seconds, Laddie! Fookin' Do It, Laddie!"

Ayman Felt Himself Getting Into It as That Slippery, Tight Pussy Gripped at His Cock und Quickly Slid Up und Down. He Listened to der Pussy Farts with Great Excitement.

"There's 15 Seconds Left! COME, Ya Fookin' Walloper!!"

Ayman Could Feel It about to Explode. He Nodded His Head at Gratex und Closed in on der Coming Explosion.

"5 SECONDS!!!"

Ayman Braced Himself for der Release into Gratex's Tight, Hot Pussy.

"1 FOOKIN' SECOND, YA DOZY CUNT!!!"

He Was Finally THERE! Ayman Moaned und-Und–

BZZZZZZZZ!! Der L.S.W.G.F. Disqualification Buzzer Filled Their Ears und Quickly Brought der Hot Action to a Standstill.

"YA FOOKIN' FUDDY JIZZTRUMPET!! $70,000 DOWN THE DRAIN BECAUSE OF YER FOOKIN' INMENDHAM AN' EFILISM!! YA FOOKIN' GOMMY BOGGIN' FUCKNUGGET!! I'M GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA YA!!"

After 10 Days Spent in a Honolulu Hospital, Ayman Only Had a Few Grand Left to Spend, und He Took His Free Flight Back to Los Angeles to Continue On with His Washroom Attendant Job at der French Restaurant. Gratex, Having Lost Much of His Money due to Legal Fees for Assault und Battery Charges, Flew Back to Scotland to Continue His Struggles with Paying Bills und Getting that Final Sex Change Operation to Complete that Something that was Still Missing.

In Los Angeles, Ayman had Settled Back into der Drudgery of His Job, Watching Inmendham Videos, Jacking Off to Porn…Except He was Nein Longer Interested in Videos about Guys with Cunts. Unfortunately, However, It Wasn't Long before Donald Trump's Zero Tolerance Immigration Officials Came Sniffing Around, Looking for Ayman. He Had Become Too Well Known Since Becoming a Contestant on der Nationally Televised LET'S SEE WHO GETS FUCKED. A Rooming House Drunk from Down der Hall Gave Him der Tip about Immigration und He Packed und Took a Tour Bus, Heading North for der Canadian Border. As He Took a Shit in der Toilet at der Back of der Bus, He Thought of a Wise Saying Put Together by YouTube's Verrry Wise WarblesOnALot: "A Good Shit is Better than a Bad Fuck,"…Or, Let It Also Be Said that der Pollyanna und der Efilist Make Verrry Bad Bed Mates, Indeed. Ho! (end of story)

Hohohoho! I Hope You YouTubers have Enjoyed Our Latest Perpenfuhrer Theater Presentation. Stay Tuned for Our Next Riveting Story.

–Perpenfuhrer Erich Brown (Host of Perpenfuhrer Theater Classics)

John Candy and Eugene Levy had a great Abbott-and-Costello schtick going on. I miss them.

Quite possibly the funniest scene from SCTV. John Candy as Dr. Tongue, doing a 'Texas' accent! "Howdy y'all! I'll have a 7 & 7 y'all!" HAHAHAHAA! So many classic lines in this…man I miss John.

Take Butler St.PGH Midget!

Probably watched this bit on TV and online video half a dozen times before, always wondering where in Toronto or Chicago that street shots are from, DEF not NYC. There's enough northerly crap that it could be Chicago or even the Canadian side of Detroit (Windsor), but the BUILDINGS give it away. There's a shot of someone looking like a young woman walking down street away from the camera while both John Candy's Doctor Tongue's Jon Voight's Joe Buck (what a goofy pathetic striving threatened little man name that is, "Joe Buck". who would ever name their child this or take on this name for themselves, probably only someone with cable TV show that's pro-hunting or NRA or some such inherently morally compromised subject) and Eugene Levy' Woody Tobias Junior's Dustin Hoffman's Ratso Rizzo, ogle her with their average 1.5 visual acuity compromised eyes (I wonder if that giant wen on Woody's right cheek has independent sensory data collection capacity?), and it shows a series of buildings on the other side of the street in an order I recall seeing many many decades ago in a stay of several weeks in a hotel just north of the main downtown street in Edmonton Alberta, called Jasper Avenue. If someone were to walk directly south from Edmonton city hall to Jasper then when they reached the north side of Jasper Avenue walked along the north sidewalk maybe 4 to 6 blocks west towards the High Level Bridge stetree, which I think is 109th street, there used to be some small seedy looking business building along the south sidewalk on Jasper Avenue, maybe 3 bloocks north of the provincial government building complex, that had the usual D list business and ethnic cafes and cheap bars in them – THAT'S GOT 2 b where his episode of SCTV was shot.

Now that's a right fine video, y'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawl.